when lilies fly: horse blog & philosophy

"LOVE is how you stay alive, even after you are gone"

2010-02-07T11:16:00.000-08:00

This was the sticker slogan on my take-out coffee cup today. It struck me as fitting, since my ex-barn owner died yesterday. She fought it like a tiger for 2 years but lymphoma won the last round.

We were not close after I moved my horse, but prior to that we rode together and once even traveled together with our horses to the Black Hills for a week of gaited horse camping. We also camped on a memorable Memorial Day weekend when it snowed. that was the night my horse got loose and wandered all around our campsite looking for tasty blades of grass. When I asked if the commotion woke her up she said, "I never really sleep".

She was a true character, like many horse people. She addressed all horses as "Son", even mares, even her own mare. "Ho, Son!"

But when she used a pronoun of a horse it was always "She". This produced some odd conversations.

"I've been watching your horse in the pasture. She's eating too much and getting fat!'

"But...my horse is a gelding!"

"I know, and she is too fat!"

Whenever she had to call a boarder about anything, the first thing she said, even before Hello, was "Your horse is fine!"

When she received the lymphoma diagnosis, she made a project of knitting all the barn girls wool sweaters in their favorite colors. In the depths of chemotherapy, she could be found sitting on the porch in the sun, a scarf on her head, knitting extravagant colors and complex cable patterns.

Throughout the treatments, and the subsequent ups and downs of t-cell counts, she stayed unbelievably cheerful and optimistic. She was looking forward to riding again this spring.

She built the horse boarding business out of the shreds of a wrenching divorce, and subsidized her daughter's career as a riding instructor for two decades. Literally hundreds of horse-crazy kids were able to live their dreams thanks to Rose's hard work: carrying hay, worming 50 horses in a day, enduring the stream of little kids and teenagers with muddy boots in and out of the house all day long year-round.

Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone. Rose loved horses enough to let them take over every corner of her life and privacy. And she passed on that crazy love to so many 'city kids' who would not otherwise have had the chance to grow up with horses. What a blessing! Well done Rose. Rest and sleep now, excellent cowgirl. The love is alive.

Pretty in Pink: "Now Leave Me Alone!"

2010-01-28T14:16:00.000-08:00

John's tail is getting chewed by a pasture mate. It's his own fault for standing there and letting it happen, but I put a lightweight blanket on him today to...well, to cover his ass, to put it plainly. Plus it is terribly cold and windy these days so perhaps it will be a comfort.

Here is the reaction:

"Are you really doing this to me? Salmon Pink??!" "John, it was on clearance last spring...I apologize (nyuk nyuk!!)"

"Oh well OK; I look good in just about everything."

Notice the reaction from the Peanut Gallery:

"I'll just casually go get a drink of water..."

Here comes the Evil Tail-Chewer now:

"Oh no you DIDN'T!!"

Incredible Earless Horse:

We shall see how long this blanket lasts...I say goodbye to horse clothing whenever it touches John's back. He is the original Shredder.

'You Do the Math', says John

2010-01-19T15:48:00.001-08:00

Solve for x, where x = total quantity of wormer that got into John's mouth

and

P = full dose of Pyrantel pamoate,

L = amount John spread on his Lips, face, and halter,

J = amount John added to my Jacket sleeve,

and

S = amount John managed to Spit out immediately.

x = (P-L-J-S) or
x = bupkus

I can just hear the little worms of northern Minnesota cheering.

For some reason this 'pleasant apple flavor' does not appeal to him and that's putting it mildly. Just look into his eye.

We did have a nice ride prior to this little mathematical exercise in subtraction. We broke snowcrust out to a path the snowmobiles had made.

This was very very hard going for him and he was in a sweat by the time we turned back. So we worked on the outdoor track for awhile to round out the session.

Anybody have tips for getting the wormer into, rather than onto, the horse??

Winter: Terrible Beauty

2010-01-11T18:24:00.000-08:00

Everyone is suffering from unusual cold this winter, it seems. Some aspects of winter are just so gorgeous though, even when they are potentially fatal. Here are some winter delights:

1. Salties (seagoing cargo ships) on a misting Lake Superior:

These ships are shaped to have maximum volume and stability while remaining narrow enough to navigate locks and narrow lake port entries. I took this picture from the freeway on a recent morning of 10 degrees below zero.

2. "Wild horses" are clouds of mist that curve up from the lake in extreme cold:

I wasn't able to get a very good photo of them this same day...

3. Winter sunsets can be so colorful:

This view is of the Presbyterian church across the street. This church aggravates me no end because its parishioners park in driving lanes of the road all Sunday morning. Sometimes they partially block my driveway, and Heaven Forbid I be prevented from driving out at a moment's notice! I wrote a complaining letter to their pastor and was ignored. Then I wrote to their Synod and apparently the Synod rang their chimes (don't let me even start about their carillon concerts: "Kumbaya" etc. slightly out of tune at noon and 6 p.m. every, blessed! day) because the ladies of the church gave me a passive-aggressive basket of baked goods with a note about 'good neighbors'. Grr, I lost that battle. Nicey-nice beats crabby-pants every time.

4. My horse grows a goat-beard in winter -- as OnceUponAnEquine and Molly of HolaMole! have noticed!! -- and it is quite spectacular:

5. And finally, here's a 27-second video of our jingle-bell ride today:

Stay warm everyone!!

Winter Work

2010-01-07T12:54:00.001-08:00

My wonderful barn owners created an outdoor 'track' for us to ride on!

This was serious tractor work, since the most recent snow (2 feet of it in 48 hours) was followed by a warm 2 days during which the top layer turned to a heavy mantle of ice.

Our whole area is still struggling with this ice legacy, and traffic accidents are still happening a week later even though there has been no additional snowfall.

Anyway they took out their tractor and plowed an oval shaped track in their field, following up with some shavings and chipped stall stuff for traction. John and I enjoyed this yesterday when it was a balmy 18 degrees F., full sun, and no wind WhatSoEver, for almost perfect winter riding conditions.

My only drawback was that I forgot sunglasses, so I was snowblind by the end of our ride. We followed up in the indoor arena and it was to my eyes as dark as night in there...

In this above photo, you can see the arc of the track up and off to the right, and also how deep the snow is. John kept thinking that he'd prefer to take off into the virgin snow. So I let him and he immediately hauled his big horse's ass around back to the track. Breaking through the crust made a sound like....a sack of sand dropping from a great height.

I avoided getting him sweaty but that was pretty easy as he is in tip-top CV condition. I swear he exercises himself in the pasture, because this is not a function of our tight work schedule LOL. Christmas break has been a riding disappointment because of the weather and family commitments.

At one point while we were gaiting along on the new outside track, John just tucked his head like a dragon and squealed. It was the weirdest thing! I got such a vibe of "I feel great!" from him. He shook out his mane and just chugged along.

After this ride I buried my face in his bunny fur neck and just smelled him: warm palomino in the winter sun. Everybody hug your horses because By Golly we are the luckiest humans on this earth, just to have them in our lives.

Here's a tableau of frozen ice-bucket dumps: Winter + horses = serious work.

150th Anniversary of the Pony Express

2010-01-03T06:54:00.000-08:00

"Pony Express", statue in St. Louis Missouri

Thank you to hundreds of good brave horses!

Although it lasted only 18 months, the Pony Express was the Iphone of its time.

Here is a map showing the route traveled by horses and riders in this amazing scheme:

The maximum distance for one horse to travel was 20 miles. This made it necessary for exchange stations to be built at that interval all across the west.

Here's the eastern terminus station, in St. Joseph Missouri, which today houses the official Pony Express Museum:

It was a perfect job for crazy young men, the preferred riders as this poster shows:

"Orphans Preferred."

If it was so dangerous for the riders, what about the horses? There is very little information on equine injuries and fatalities from Pony Express work. But we can imagine that the primacy of speed took its toll, along with the rough terrain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first Pony Express run in 1860 was actually a race, with riders setting out simultaneously from Sacramento California and St. Joseph Missouri in a dead heat to exceed one another to the midpoint.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's a statue from Sacramento which shows the iconic Pony Express pose: horse at maximum effort, ragged rider urging even more speed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Pony Express was done in by the invention of the telegraph, and this painting shows a rider waving happily to a work crew placing telegraph poles:

Another example of an episode in horse and human history, where horses did a great but difficult and dangerous job, then were relieved of that job and became a little less essential to human purposes: a mixed blessing for the horse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This particular Pony Express station, in Hollenberg Kansas, is believed to be haunted. Brave night visitors claim to hear the sounds of frantic hoofbeats, and the cries of messengers calling for their exchange riders, on moonlit nights.

I imagine these Express horses, tough and lean as their young riders, enjoying the job and the sense of purpose even while they endured the discomforts of fatigue and thirst and sore muscles. Horses do love to have a job. So I send a big thank you out to all the noble horses who ran their legs off so that Aunt Sadie in California could hear about her new niece in Indiana, or Californians could read the inaugural address of political newcomer President Abraham Lincoln. Rest in peace, sweet ponies.

2010!! Horsey New Year Resolutions

2010-01-01T04:28:00.001-08:00

Solitary Deer Tracks in Snow, Cloquet River December 22 2009

My last ride of 2009 yesterday was a thoughtful one. I pondered the path I would take with my horse through the unknown territory of 2010. I thought about the past year, and consolidated some New Year's Resolutions.

1. Slow Down.
Too often I bring my human time frame to interaction with my horse. Hurry up! I only have an hour. come on come on come on. On to the next thing! What's the matter with you? Come ON you big lunkus!
I believe horses need time to let things settle in their minds. Not to mention, time to turn those big long bodies around and co-ordinate 4 feet in space they often can't see (directly behind them).
When I consciously take a Zen minute and let John just breathe, he is so much quicker. When I give the 1-2-3 prepare-prepare-ask sequence, he is so much more ready to move out. So that's #1 for me. Slow It Down.

2. Spend time with John on the ground. Because John is in many ways an easy horse - quiet, mellow, and trustworthy - I tend to take advantage. As in, a few licks of a curry, slap the saddle on and ride. Get done riding, drag the saddle off, few slaps with a brush and off to the pasture.
Then of course I complain and whine about his ground manners. Well my own manners can be pretty bad when I think about it. He's not a faucet to turn on & off.
With my thoroughbred, who could be more of a spooky dancing handful at times, I did hours of ground work and never really let up on that. He needed the parameters outlined in bright light, in order to relax and work. Well, John deserves some of that too.

3. Keep up with the 3 B's (Buff, Bendy, Bootylicious Regime) and improve overall fitness of us both. Good Lord I ate too many cookies over the past week! And maple pumpkin cheesecake, and pistachio fluff, fruitcake, and bourbon fudge...I could go for some of all this right now.
John has slimmed down a bit over the past month as the temperature drops and he begins to burn his stored fat to keep warm. That doesn't work so well for me somehow har har...but the gym works, and walking works. Since there is almost nothing I can't turn into a shopping opportunity, I've ordered some ice cleats for my boots and so, pretty soon I can't use "Oooh I might slip on the ice!" as an excuse not to walk my dogs.

Who are here shown eating gift-wrap tubes, their sick little addiction:

So those are my horsey 2010 resolutions, only 3 of them so I hope my brain can remember them all.

Happy Trails to you in the New Year! May all your days in the year ahead be filled with light and grace, and may good horses lead you always to beautiful new horizons!

Merry Christmas from John and Me!!

2009-12-24T04:52:00.000-08:00

A foot of snow last night brought us a white Christmas for sure! It is beautiful in the moonlight as I let the dogs out.

I hope everyone has good friends, some family to love or to remember fondly if they have passed on, some yummy food, and maybe even the chance to kiss a horse on the neck and say thank you for all that horses bring into our lives -- all that beauty, kindness, childishness, weird sense of humor, and infinite grace.

Here's to the year 2010! May it be filled with precious beauty for you and your horses!!!

Buff, Bendy, Bootylicious: Gettin' Down To It

2009-12-21T17:04:00.000-08:00

Are you interested in equine kinesiology?

Today we really started the winter regimen of training in the indoor to make us both reach the 3-B's by spring.

I was aided in my quest for equine bendy-ness by a set of techniques my friend Laura referred me to on YouTube. This equine body-work specialist gives some great exercises for flexing your horse and basically doing some 'horsey yoga' that will align your horse's major spinal system and stretch the supporting muscles prior to riding. I was hooked right away when I saw that big horse bunch up the abs:

I did all of these exercises with John today prior to riding. Here is my report:

1. Leg lifts and bends: I am afraid of getting my hand stepped on. But he cooperated and his left shoulder is much stiffer than his right. We worked gently at flexing that left foreleg and in several stints, he got looser and more comfortable.

2. Butt massage to get back up: Did not work. John enjoyed the butt massage but he did not raise up and scrunch like the horse in the video. Instead he started eating his lead rope. I have to work on my technique here.

3. Belly scritch and hold w/5 pounds of pressure to get it raised up higher and higher: this progressed over time. At first John did not raise up at all. He is quite a slab-backed horse and that's what this regimen is all about eliminating. As time went on I got some raising and some holding. Again I need to work on this.

4. Tail pull: John LOVED THIS. He braced against the pressure and raised his head up to the heavens in joy. This was a grand success.

5. Carrot stretches: Well logistically these are hard. You need to have a horse who will stand in place and bend extremely back to his hocks. John just prefers to move his hindquarters and pursue the carrot with his food-seeking missile i.e. head. We did make some progress after I buried him in the corner of the arena for this exercise.

After all this I saddled up and rode for 45 minutes of gait, lope, back, circle, rest. I was happy with this session as we got some good quick stops and starts back to full gait, some nice bending, and some nice blowing on John's part.

Returning to my car, I discovered that both my dogs had thrown up on the back seat, for reasons I cannot comprehend. Life always does send us a little message, doesn't it??!

"If You Go Out in the Woods Today...."

2009-12-19T13:32:00.000-08:00

It was kind of a Teddy Bear's Picnic day in the woods today.

Beautiful sunny Saturday late morning, temperature a balmy 14 degrees F. and no wind whatsoever. I was so torn about what to do with my horse time. It's time to get going on my winter arena program of Buff-Bendy-Bootylicious for Johnny, which requires real work. But the woods looked so inviting!

I decided to work for awhile and then go out in the woods for some fun.

So we rode in the outdoor on a nice layer of soft not too deep snow, and did bending and flexibility work for about an hour with good breaks so he wouldn't get too hot in his winter fluffy bear-suit.

THEN we headed out into the woods, alone.

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

John had his halter bells on. These were a gift from a barn-mate 10 years ago. She gave them to all the other boarders with this message:

"Nobody in this barn exchanges gifts any more. It's so sad. So I made these bells for everyone so I can hear them jingle and just remember, a time when there was some real Christmas spirit here..."

GAAAH passive aggressive halter bells! Should I use them, or bury them with a stake through their heart?

I managed to misplace them for several years but today I dragged them out. I always like John (poor guy) to get used to different things hanging off him and making noise, plus I wanted to scare away the Teddy Bears and deer and exploding grouse.

Look at all the deer tracks on this trail! John was so interested. For the ride out to the exact halfway point (which his inner GPS calculates to a centimeter), we had a glorious ride. It was the perfect day.

For the way home after his little alarm went off "We are heading back now!!", it was hell on hoofs.

Every teddy bear, that's been good
Is sure of a treat today
There's lots of wonderful things to eat
And wonderful games to play

For John those games included:

1. Let's All Run for Home!

2. Let's Throw Our heads Around!

3. Let's Run Backwards!

4. Let's Pout and Stagger Sideways!

He was sure I needed to get back to the barn at warp speed. He assumed I was just too stupid to have realized the brilliance of that idea. So we walked backwards uphill, walked sideways, stood at a halt until we were both bored, circled and circled and circled...

See them gaily dance about.
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

He did finally get a little bit tired but man oh man a fit young horse has a lot to offer in the way of "play and shout".

I believe John and I both came out of the woods thinking we had successfully defended the moral high ground. He was sweaty, I was jazzed. He took a big huge roll in the arena with many happy grunts. And graciously accepted his mints at the gate. Because:

Every teddy bear, that's been good
Is sure of a treat today.

Here is a photo, taken during one of our disciplinary pauses to put brain back inside head, that clearly shows his drunkard's walk on the outward leg of our ride, and the geometrically straight trajectory of our homeward sprint:

It's lovely out in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home.

Ha ha. No really we had fun. I swear he winked at me after the last mint.

Christmas Cards: Love 'Em or Leave 'Em?

2009-12-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

I found my 10-year old horse Santa hat while looking for John's stall stocking yesterday. So I tried to get a good photo of him wearing it, while not being at all sure I had the hat on right-side forward. He didn't seem to care. He was in what I might call a grinchy mood: he had a full week off again, which I really don't like. But our weather was ghastly so the barn trips were just not advisable, Monday through Friday.

We rode out into the woods and had a lovely time. The temperature had climbed into the teens, and the sun was full out. We startled grouse and herded deer, and John took quite an interest in the deer tracks along the trail:

Lisa was able to come with me and Brandy was in fine fettle too, quite frisky:

I had thought of making John in his cap into a Christmas card but I think I have left it too late. Or maybe I have a head start on next year??

My feeling about Christmas cards or holiday cards is rather so-so. They are a lot of trouble and expense, but they are nice to get; it's neat to see a photo of friends and family we don't otherwise see. But for the past few years I have found it increasingly hard to get up the 'spirit' for card sending.

What about you? Love 'em, or leave 'em go?

At least John's stocking is hung on his stall with care, in the hope that King Peppermint soon will be there.

Suddenly Winter! My Winter Work Plan

2009-12-05T12:41:00.000-08:00

Our first (very light!) snowfall has finally come, and John & I rode out this morning. I have consolidated a training plan for the winter arena riding, but the sun was just too warm and the snow too glittery to ride inside today.

But John had had a week off due to the aggravating imposition of work into my horse life. So he was feeling "fresh" as we say.

We went out into the woods. We came back from the woods. But what happened in the woods, stays in the woods. (John got a bit 'happy'.)

WINTER TRAINING PLAN!

We are going to work hard at getting soft.

John can be quite the stiff ore-boat and I can be a stiff unyielding rider as well. So both of us are going to be working out to achieve the 3 goals of becoming

1. BUFF
2. BENDY
3. BOOTYLICIOUS

by spring 2010.

This will involve lots of bend work and lateral work, sets of gaiting circles, etc. for John and continued gym visits, running sets, elliptical, strength training, and yoga for me. Oh yes and both of us are going to lose some weight.

Anybody who knows some good arena style suppling equitation exercises, or can direct me to a book or DVD, please let me know. I've been working on figure-8's starting larger and getting gradually (one-half hoof width) smaller each time. But John inside an arena gets bored and sluggish fast so I am looking to surprise him and engage his interest.

Here's a little video I made of our trip to the woods, day one of becoming BOOTYLICIOUS!

What are your winter plans??

Equine Acupuncture Round 2

2009-12-02T13:35:00.001-08:00

John in a trance enjoying his second round of acupuncture is seen in this photo.

John was so quiet during this treatment. His eyes came to half-mast.

Benefits from round 1 of the treatment? I believe I did see them. I rode a lot of trails during this unseasonably warm November and I believe his rushing downhill was less in evidence. He would put himself down behind and take small steps about 50% of the time. I was interested to notice this.

My main worry about John is that I might ride him incorrectly into an early lameness, as he is gaited and prone to hock issues anyway.

I love this horse so much. He is so trustworthy. I often dream about how if a terrible catastrophe came to this world, I would go get John first and then with his help grapple with the breakdown of civilization.

Is it strange that there is no human being I would trust more than this fat palomino??

NHR: St. Louis for Thanksgiving

2009-11-29T14:54:00.000-08:00

John's next acupuncture treatment is coming up on Tuesday of this week. But for now: Thanksgiving in St. Louis involved 1653 miles round trip of driving for this driving-impaired person, but I got to see my son's new loft condo and a lot of other nice things so am sharing. The photo above is the building where my older son just bought a loft condo and we stayed there -- on the floor, since he has no furniture yet. Oh my back.

That's him with my dog Gabey dominating him without mercy.

This is the view out his windows:

Urban life is something I just tasted once long ago. Now it interests me again. This was a really fun place to come and go. Lots of activity: restaurants, coffee shops, little art galleries, clean sidewalks, lots of sun flooding the streets in the early morning.

We saw the Thanksgiving Day parade in downtown St. Louis:

And we saw this most beautiful sculpture I've ever seen: "Vigilance and Peace", from the old Post Office building. "Vigilance" (on the left) reminds me of my mother!!

And my doggies accompanied me everywhere I went, even to the downtown dog park where
Rufus got rolled by a St. Bernard and loved every minute of it.

Rufus has mad urban skilz. He immediately figured out how to poop and pee on concrete. Gabey never did. Rufe also figured out how to jump up on a low concrete wall and run along it. He didn't blink when asked to walk into an elevator, whereas Gabriel was flummoxed and panicked, and had to be carried. Gratings? Rufe had no worries but Gabey would drop to the ground and quiver. It was strange but I think Rufus is a reincarnated hip-hop artist and Gabey is just a sweet little angel from some protected grassy planet somewhere in a galaxy far far away...

Equine Acupuncture: Johnny Gets Some

2009-11-17T17:37:00.001-08:00

Not usually a fan of 'alternative therapies', I have broken down and had John done with a treatment of equine acupuncture. For 3 reasons:

1. He has stopped rolling all the way over when he rolls. Instead he rolls on one side only and stops himself with a grunt, then gets up. He used to be like a bumbly bug and roll all the way & back again.

2. He has the rush-downhill habit that I have not been able to address with training. I wonder about back pain.

3. He developed a 'sweet spot' on his back; when I would curry there, he would practically swoon and would lean so hard against the curry that it became pretty vigorous back massage.

I know all this doesn't add up to a critical situation but I am interested in prevention if possible. I love this horse!!!!! and if he needs something adjusted, I'm hoping I can spot it in time.

Plus: A vet in our area went over to acupuncture exclusively last year, and I trusted her and was willing to invest in her new career to see what might happen.

She began with an analysis using a wooden stick about 4 inches long and about a half inch wide; she pressed this into critical points to test reaction.

John showed no reaction to any of this initial testing except for one spot behind the poll on the right side. There he reacted clearly: he bobbed his head and waved it around. Every time.

The vet said this diagnostic spot is connected with the left hind and especially the hock. Really?? Right ear, left hock. OK. I am skeptical and willing, 50/50 at this point.

The needles are long (about 4 inches) but they are so slim that John showed no awareness of their presence, their insertion, nothing.

He just stood there and his eyes closed part way.

Then (timing is everything) the horses started to get their evening feed. So the 15 minutes of quiet meditative standing turned in to 15 minutes of greedy salivating dancing with needles sticking out; John was certain someone else was eating his supper.

However we persisted and he got quiet again, then time was up and needles were removed.

As the vet removed the last needle, what do yo suppose happened???

John elevated his left hind leg and hugged it higher into his body than I've ever seen it go; flex, hold, release.

I have another appointment for December 1. The theory behind acupuncture sounds to me half crazy and half sensible, so maybe John will get a 50% benefit at least.

Meanwhile we are getting in some awesome late rides, each one stolen from the chill grasp of Old Man Winter:

Fire-arms Deer Season Commenceth!

2009-11-07T12:18:00.001-08:00

And nothing makes me more nervous about riding in the woods. I think John looks just about exactly like a gigantic white-tail deer in coloration.

Today was the 'opener' of fire-arms deer hunting in our state, and every Tom Dick and Harriette including little young ones are out trying to bag a kill. So, probably not the best day to ride but: it was also just killer gorgeous and in the 50's with bright sunshine.

So Lisa and I decided to brave it. John has blaze orange to wear as shown. This is from the ProtectaVest Company, whose motto is, If it can be shot at, we'll cover it in blaze orange.

The other horses stared at John a little as we were leaving the barn.

John has never minded wearing odd things; he's cool like that. I think he is convinced that, if he is wearing it, that alone makes it the next hot equine fashion.

Lisa rode her younger mare:

And we encountered no hunters but a variety of wildlife: we startled several grouse, a young doe ran bouncing across the trail just ahead of us, and then stood watching us pass.

We cantered/loped/galloped up this beautiful rise:

...which we have done several times before and John's ears tell you he is looking forward to picking up the pace.

Lisa and I decided this was just about the perfect ride: sun, no bugs, didn't get shot, horses happy and sweet and loose stepping.

Plato claimed that this world of experience is but a shadow, and a higher more pure realm of ideas or Forms is to be found, and must be sought by the soul. Plato was wrong. The Form of the Beautiful is right here.

And John believes it is also edible:

Another Completely Wack Horse Dream!

2009-11-03T13:53:00.000-08:00

This one has me puzzling.

In my dream, which occurred just before I woke up to the alarm, John my horse had been stolen.

He had been taken from the pasture by a horse pornographer! who wanted to make a porn movie with John in it. I was easily able to find the sleazy hotel where this was supposed to take place. It looked like a real dive and it had worn greasy carpeting on the stairs.

John had been taken upstairs to a room on the second floor. Yes, he had walked up a flight of narrow carpeted stairs.

Just like this one! Even to the turn in the stairs. Already in the dream I was worrying about how to get him down these stairs. Up is always easier than down.

Raging up the stairs I go and I find a bathrobed guy who looks a bit like Hugh Hefner:

And I ask him, "Have you seen a horse come by here?" (I am being cagey you see.)

And he says, "Why yes, I have a horse; I am making a porn movie about him."

"Oh no you are not!!", I reply. I am inspired to be bullying and brave by the fact that this guy seems like a complete nervous wimp.

"I am taking my horse Out Of Here!", I say. "Johnny! Let's go!"

And here comes the miracle. John, who is conveniently wearing a rope halter and long lead, walks over to me across the fleabag hotel floor, and down the stairs we go. I am looking ahead and not down in good NH fashion, so I can't report how he negotiated each stair step.

But I rescued my horse from a porn movie. That is about the strangest dream I ever hope to have. Sigmund Freud, please analyze. Because I give up.

Autumn Trail Ride: Goodbye Summer

2009-10-28T15:18:00.000-07:00

This was probably our last away trail ride of the year! Lisa and I went out to a nearby state park and had a terrific golden afternoon. John was in his glory and feeling Fine which translates into a superfast smooth walk and the other horse always has to trot a lot - which Lisa didn't seem to mind on her smooth-trotting sweet mare.

At one point on this ride I just had the thought: pinch yourself; is this real?? Sweet horses, a good friend, and the glory of autumn spread out in golden tableau before us...

We met some other happy ladies coming from the opposite direction:

And numerous walkers, bicyclists, and skate-skiers on the part of the trail that follows the Munger Trail (a paved asphalt multi-use trail that runs for many miles through our region). Here we are following the Munger for a bit:

But mostly we were just on our own in the woods, the horses' hoofs crunching leaves and the slanting light touching us with the cool warmth of autumn sun, so unmistakably different from summer sun.

John had some 'moments' of excess joy; he gets surgey and I can feel his back change and come up, and his neck arches, his feet begin to dance, and there is that little rush of worry "What if he takes off?" He will barge uphill in these moments and get so strong I have to sit down hard and think Slow, Slow. So far he has never done anything really troublesome, and I think it is just happiness. Poor guy, can't express his joy without me starting to count to 10 and breathe. He is so trustworthy overall.

When we got back to the barn and unloaded, Lisa helped me power-wash the trailer and get ready to put it to bed for the winter...All the while John was snuffling and whickering from the fence, so sure that we needed his help or his interference.

Just one of those days where I come home and almost weep for joy that a horse is part of my life. And this horse in particular.

Dreams of Horses

2009-10-26T05:28:00.000-07:00

My alarm went off this morning in the middle of a strange and very enjoyable dream.

I was competing at a 3-Day Event (which I have never done) on my ex-horse Montana. I was particularly looking forward to the cross-country jumping (something that has always intimidated me badly).

It was a rainy muddy day and I had a hose which I was using to clean mud off our tack and Montana's legs. Apparently we had already been out jumping about and gotten dirty having fun.

Some people were standing watching me clean stuff and they admired how good I was at it but they said, "Didn't they give you a groom to clean that?" And I said, "Well my groom wandered off angry; I could feel the icy Arctic air when she walked off."

This was a total lie because in my dream-head I knew I was surprised to hear there was supposed to be a groom at all.

So why am I lying to strangers in my dream? To feel cool I guess, because they were impressed with me.

Montana looked awesome and muscular, and was moreover behaving like a placid old campaigner. I reveled in my joy at this day and at the jumping ahead. (When in reality I would have been nauseous with fear and probably already scratched and gone home.)

Ha ha that's a good one, Subconscious Mind!! But when the alarm tore into this dream I could hardly tell where I was, what day it was, and who that was sleeping next to me - that's how into it I was.

Do you dream about horses, and do your dreams fit your waking life?

Rx for the Butt-Headed Horse

2009-10-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has been stepped on, bitten, otherwise mugged, shoved, slammed against a wall, dragged across the yard, much less thrown, carted, tree-slammed, bushwhacked, dumped unceremoniously in the shrubbery, or just plain bucked off by a horse, has had occasion to wonder:

Is it just me, or is my horse being a Butt-head?"

It's such a serious question. If it's just me,over-reacting to pain and humiliation, pain and shame are part of normal horse life and real cowgirls would barely take notice. Ho-hum, another dirt-dive.

If my horse is being a Butt-head, well hey-ho for the trailer-oh because Dobbin, your hiney is for sale!!!

But wait: the true horseperson is capable not only of bruising and breaking (including the bank), but also of internalizing all the moral weight that goes with this thought:

"Perhaps this is all my fault!"

And indeed, all the wise horse people down through the ages from Xenophon on have shouted out this truth: You are getting from your horse exactly what you put in.

So when it is time for a bit of behavior modification, 'gentle leadership', or equine Butt-Head remodeling, we must all share strategies and here are some my friend Kathy shared with me yesterday.

1. The Horse stands still when tied and for grooming.

a. This is the start of the more formal part of your interaction and he is already at work, therefore under the rules you enforce.

b. If he moves, you immediately move him back to where he was. As many times as it takes. If he swings his haunches and steps over, back he must step.

c. When he stands appropriately you stop staring at him and that's his release. Give him a moment of quiet. Be prepared for this to take a lot of time and to reappear daily or hourly until you have settled this rule into a stone tablet that reads "Thy Horsey Commandments".

2. The Horse lowers his head upon request.

a. This is achieved by gently pulling at the lead rope under his chin. Immediately release a bit when you get a downward try. Release = reward.

b. You may suspect that your horse is actually scouting the ground for molecules of food, as John appeared to be doing; reward nevertheless.

c. He should eventually give this response in one smooth slow motion; "head down", down it goes, food-radar engage!

3. The Horse moves away from pressure.

He does this standing, walking, etc. and you are moving him rather than him deciding to mosey about.

a. It's particularly great when he moves his hindquarters and steps under himself: great exercise, work, and submission all rolled into one.

b. You achieve this by using the tail end of the lead rope as a little spinner, or waver, or Morse-code sender; whatever you and your horse like and find comfortable.

c. He may move away too fast deciding "Time to Book Out of Here!"

If so, you stop him, perhaps back him up a few steps by standing in front of him and making semaphore signals with your hands while producing sound effects of an appropriate nature. Whatever is your backing routine. If you don't have one, this is worth developing in itself.

4. The Horse is not the Decider; you are the Decider. It can be about something as trivial as what to stare out during ground work. "You must have his mind", Kathy said many times yesterday.

If you find him wandering off into mental La-La Land, just ask him to do something; it doesn't matter what.

I know people who work on this every day. Kathy does it with her horse once a week. I plan to do it before every ride and make it part of our routine; at first more, then less perhaps as John becomes the polite and sweet horse he was born to be and loses his chew-your-pocket ways. I hope.

And I do believe that ground work translates into under-saddle work because it is all work, all part of the rule-structure we build for a relationship with an animal who weighs upwards of 1,000 pounds.

Yeeps!

Gaiting Up a Storm

2009-10-13T16:46:00.001-07:00

Here's a picture of John and me, showing that just as the autumn leaves are turning colors, so is my hair. My husband is now calling me "Red" on a regular basis, which is cute for now but might get old very soon.

My friend Kathy came out to the barn today to show me some ground work techniques for gaining and keeping your horse's respect.

John has been just that little bit too pushy for awhile now; too mouthy, invading my space, with the occasional shove from that big suitcase head. I know I have not been consistent with my own behavior in response, so we worked at getting some better structure and clearer guidelines for Mr. I'm-So-Cute-I-Can-Get-Away-With-It.

I am working on a longer post which will show what Kathy did with John, which was very helpful and did have an immediate beneficial effect. And gave us plenty to work on.

But she also got some video of me riding John in his easy gait along with some cantering, which I am going to share. Be it ever so humbling, there's nothing like video to highlight the rider's every flaw. At one point early on I ask Kathy not to show my stomach jiggling; but not until she has threatened John that unless he behaves, this could be his sale video. She's kidding! I am insanely crazy about this horse...

It was a gorgeous fall day with a pretty cloud striped blue sky. You can see the foliage color in the woods in the background as we pass that direction; up in those low hills is the trail system I love so much. What do you think of Johnnie's gait? What should we work on this winter? For starters I'm thinking: What the hell am I doing with my hands? Painting his portrait??!

Emotions and Horses

2009-10-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

Do horses have emotions?

I'm pretty sure John would not have generously donated this basket of apples to his "friends" at the barn, but for some cutesy reason I was moved to make it look like his idea.

If I'd asked him, he probably would have replied something like OH HELL NO I'M NOT GIVING THEM MY FRICKIN APPLES. Kindness and generosity with treats...those are not in the horsey emotional bag I am thinking.

However the whole issue of horses and emotion has been on my mind lately. With my thoroughbred Montana (now with a new owner but I will say something more about that in a sec here) I developed the theory of Horse EmotionMix. As in: he would sometimes seem to feel:

Anxiety+Naughtiness+Cheerfulness = A Spook but Not Too Bad of a One.

Maybe the Germans have a word for this emotion. They win the prize for emotion names due to their great word Schadenfreude, which means "the little pulse of joy you feel upon hearing of someone else's misfortune".

How honest. English pretends there is no such feeling; yet English speakers must feel it all the time: someone comes up to you and says, "OMG my son is in jail again!" and you say "How awful!" but you are thinking "Party in my head because my sons are not in jail, even though they could well have been on numerous occasions..."

I do think horses are emotionally intelligent to a high degree, as they seem to pick up on human emotions faster than humans themselves.

Then there is the category of emotions we feel about horses. I have a weird one to describe:

"Emotion Felt Upon Cleaning the Sheath of Your Former Horse".

I don't think even the Germans have a word for this one. I experienced it last week. There really are no words.

His new owner asked me to help her with this task for the first time as she had not done it for years. When I first got him, I worked on this a lot. he was jumpy about it and I had to show him that it was not going to hurt and that copious treats would be involved. I became (modestly I say this about myself) kind of a sheath-cleaning pro. Yes I am good at this! Bragging about this is sort of like showing off about being a great lap-dancer. People are more embarrassed than impressed.

Anyway: Going back to the old barn, talking to and handling my ex-horse, and cleaning his privates gave me quite the emotion hangover.

At one point he placed his nose ever so softly against my hand which was resting on the rail. He just kept it there, snuffling gently and slowly batting his big brown eyes. WTF? Is my heart made of stone? Was this hello? Goodbye? Where have you been? Thank God you left? Where's my treat? I like this new lady? Or just: your hand and my nose and the warm sun = something to enjoy.

"A Trail Trial? That Sounds Like Fun!: (hahahahaha)

2009-09-05T15:48:00.000-07:00

If any of your acquaintances suggest you sign up your horse for a Trail Trial, just ask them to lend you a hammer. Begin banging yourself on the head with said hammer, and stop only when the relief will be very intense. The banging part is how you'll feel during the Trail Trail; the quitting part is how you'll feel when you get home.

There I have saved you some money and time.

So today John and I failed to borrow a hammer. On our way to the farm hosting the Trail Trial, the road looked like this:

If there's one thing I hate more than almost anything else, it is hauling a horse trailer through fog. You can see some sort of sign on the right; I think it says "Go Home Fool".

The day cleared off though and here you can see John feeling fresh and chipper tied to the trailer:

There were 15 riders who were partnered for the ordeal I mean fun. My partner was terrific and I thoroughly enjoyed riding with her and her lovely TWH Smoke:

We decided to help each other instead of getting competitive, and we had some happy times with our two good hearted horses. BUT.

A Trail Trial consists of stations along a trail at which challenges have been placed, to test whether you and your horse are crazy enough yet or need to be driven further insane.

Some of the challenges were fun: a water crossing that got chest deep:

some steep uphills, a campsite with several tents including a Spongebob Squarepants tent that John liked, and a very handsome guy just standing in the trail smiling- to distract us??

Judges give you points based on how well you handle each challenge; there are 'refusals' which subtract from your points; each refusal takes away about 4,923 points so that you can end up with a negative score so huge you may never have the heart to ride again. Handling the obstacle gives you a zero. Yes folks, the perfect metaphor for horsemanship: you never actually get ahead, you just occasionally fail to fall behind and call that success!

We did OK, more or less (well, skipping over our experience at the gate, where John acted like he had just descended from some planet where gates are only found at the Palomino Burial Ground) until we got to the "Logging Camp".

This consisted of a bunch of people who appeared and disappeared randomly out of a death hut, and when in plain sight they operated a gasoline powered log splitter which gave off, I am not exaggerating, the sound of cannons firing over some Civil War battleground. We had to ride a figure-8 in and around the cannon fire, and the fiends timed their log-splits to maximally startle the horse. This is the closest picture I got, and it's a bit blurry & nightmarish for reasons you will easily understand.

Well, John and I covered this particular challenge at what I fondly call a 'mad gallop', a gait that I always think must look impressive and exciting from a safe distance. The main deleterious effect was not on our score (screw that!) but on John's state of mind. He lost it.

We passed on to "the bear cave', someone's raccoon coat hung over a chair; the hay-mowing farmer (not actually part of the challenge course but freakishly loud and provoking the only full-out bolt I have ever experienced with John) and finally the trailer load.

This was a short roofed step-up trailer set in the corner of a field, with Farmer Mengele mowing madly next to the fence and no other horses within sight. John declined to hop right on and the judge said, "I count that one refusal, here comes another one, why don't you just pass this up and take the hit?" I think she was tired. We walked on, John in a sweat far beyond the heat of the day and me with that hammer-my-head feeling.

Good things about the day: I met a nice new friend, I found out John enjoys snuggling raccoon coats, we totally dominated the rocking wooden bridge, and the trails were pretty.

Bad things: I did feel there were dangerous moments, like the logging camp and the bolt. And a horse who won't load onto a trailer can't just be marched away with lost points; you have to return to that problem right away and he must get on. Or you could have a much bigger problem later. So this challenge was not a good one in my opinion. I loaded John up and left once we were back in camp, and I think I owe him an apology and some good treats. This is one experience I will not seek out soon again.

Uh Oh!!

2009-08-31T18:58:00.000-07:00

I am trying to ignore the signs. Hands over the eyes and ears, singing LA LA LA as loudly as I can.

But:

Summer is not going to last forever. We already have those 'fresh' mornings and the nights are turning to cold stars. On my horse camping trip last week I nearly froze because I did not bring my 'sleeping bag warmers' aka two hott little Cavaliers.

John was fresh today as well, which you can see from the alertness of his peach-clad ears:

We rode on the 'home' trails and on Oak Alley, one of my favorites because of its green shade:

And then upon our return, John had a nice roll in the sand:

Classes begin next week! Once more into the Iliad, that infinite text. I cannot wait.

Riding in Dense Fog

2009-08-17T14:33:00.001-07:00

I absolutely love mist, fog, overcast damp days, a nice misting rain, and cool riding weather. Horses react so differently to dense fog. John's ears are on high alert when the visibility goes down to about 20 yards, and he is more reactive to sudden sounds.

We had planned to trailer out to Spirit Mountain on 2 mornings this past week, with plans canceled due to fog. I get nervous hauling a white (fog-colored) horse trailer at my normal trailering speed, which is fairly conservative,, with a precious horse inside vulnerable to a rear-end collision.

On both these mornings I rode the "home" trails alone, and since there was such a dense fog everything looked exotic and different.

In this above picture we are in one of those eerie little clearings, about to re-enter the magic land of "I can't see anything". The air is so soft it caresses your face almost tangibly, and little tiny beads of condensation appear on John's mane.

He really didn't need his fly mask on these rides as it turned out, but a gelding in pink ears is always a heart-warming sight to me.

And now I will show you John's fashion disaster:

What you are seeing is a peach-colored crochet earnet, a hot pink rope halter, and a palomino horse. This combination, the result of buying things on clearance with a bad eye for color, actually causes the flies to become nauseated and flee into the shrubbery to vomit. This is very effective except it has something like the same effect on all riding companions. John however keeps his cool, as always.

Finally, here's a photo of my ex-horse Montana enjoying a swim with his new owner on a hot day last week:

If you click on the picture and get a good look at his eyes, you will see why this photo made me so happy.

Not Quite a Hell's Angel; Still Got Pulled Over

2009-07-31T15:23:00.000-07:00

Here you see the front end of the DNR truck that I saw parked along the trail as John and I returned from a 2 hour ride in Wrenshall this morning.

The Hell's Angels are holding a multi-day rally in the town next door to Wrenshall, and local media have been having a field day - either reporting in detail on how dangerous the Hell's Angels really are, or writing parody pieces about locking your daughters up in the basement etc. Law enforcement has made elaborate arrangements to contain any dangerous activities, so I was not surprised to see at least 4 police cruisers going slowly along the road where we were happily jogging in the bright sun.

Little did I know they were all looking for me and John, the outlaws of the day!

Here's what happened:

Along the trail, which is a multiple use hiking-biking-horse trail according to the DNR's own website, we had passed several other multi-users: a hiker who smiled and said hi, several groups of bicyclists who did likewise and two who did not. These two gave me and Johnnie a look that would have had our obituaries in tomorrow's paper if looks could kill. I wish I'd gotten a picture of them as their hi-tech biking gear was a dazzling sight to see - I particularly admired their neon-frame goggles.

However, they did not admire us and they stopped a few yards past us to begin furiously dialing numbers on their cell phones. I believe they must have made a general 911 call to produce the amount of law enforcement response we got.

The poor guys who finally got deployed to apprehend us were forced to drive their lovely truck across a deep ditch and through a very dense tansy patch, where they sat with all windows up (no doubt to keep the flies out) and awaited us.

I have to say they were as friendly as could be, and found it amusing that John wanted to climb inside the truck and change the channel on their service radio, or eat their doughnuts or something.

They told me some bicyclists had reported a dangerous horse on the trail. Here he is, just about to eat a bicyclist, or a daisy:

They also told me that horses are not allowed on this trail at all. I described in detail the DNR map I had looked at just last night, and they retreated to the position that "There's a guy back in the office who knows about this stuff", and gave me his phone number. I called him when I got home but only managed to talk to another staff member who deferred to this other guy's superior judgment and asked me to call back Monday.

This Mr. Deferment was nice too though; he said "Now you'll be stewing about it all weekend!" How did he know I am a total worrywort?

The good news: John was super about the big trucks passing, the bicyclists sneaking up behind us, the DNR dudes reaching out suddenly to pet him on the nose...he only showed a little opinion about the pace we should take on the homeward route. His idea was "Let me get us home as fast as possible; the Hell's Angels might be coming!"
And mine was, "Let's mosey so I can maybe see those neon goggle bikers again and say something passive-aggressive" -- such as, "I hope you are having a nice ride! {BITCHES!!!}" We compromised and made it home in only half the time it took us to get to our turnaround point, this bridge which I decided was not horse-safe:

This whole episode worries me because I feel the world is closing in on horses, somewhat. Will there be a day when horses have no trails left, when the neon-goggle crowd and the developers and the fencers-out have won?

My mean little fantasy: Perhaps a band of Hell's Angels apprehended the crabby lying bicyclists, stole their goggles, and forced them to ride with playing cards clothes-pinned to their bike spokes the rest of the day. Wapwapwapwap. SO not cool. :)

Spirit Mountain Sunday Ride

2009-07-26T13:57:00.001-07:00

Overnight our weather forecast improved a lot, from all-day thunderstorms to only "partly cloudy"; so I was glad we had made a plan to meet at Spirit Mountain for an early Sunday morning ride.

The trails were in great shape even though we've had so much recent rain, and there were only a few flies so conditions were just about perfect.

It seems to have been a naked horse contest however. We had Laura who rides in a rope halter; no bit, no bridle:

We had Bridget who rides on a bareback pad (no saddle) in a rope halter, no bit no bridle:

And we had Ron who rides his horse with a saddle but only a string around the neck - no bridle, no rope halter, no bit:

And if we were seeing a naked horse contest, John was the biggest loser since he had not only the complete saddle and bridle, but even his granny ears fly cap. He didn't seem to mind though.

I wish I'd taken pictures of Bridget doing the bareback mount-from-the-ground demonstration. Her horse is cued to lower his head; she clambers over onto his neck near the withers, stomach down. then cues him to raise his head slowly. This slides her down onto his back, at which point she is over him like a sack of potatoes or a dead body in many westerns. She then wriggles over and upright. I don't think I will be trying it any time soon.

"Can you hear me now" Ron got a phone call from a faraway friend and had a nice long chat. Trail riding in the 21st century: Interruptions are always possible.

It was a good day for the view, all the way over into Wisconsin:

Spirit Mountain is so named because it contains land sacred to the Ojibwe; they have ancestors buried there and hold its beauty close to them. In addition to sacred Indian land and in tension with it, Spirit Mountain houses a big ski operation and an ever-growing number of 'mountain villas' and condos etc.

Whenever we ride there we get lost, and today was no exception: all of a sudden we are off the trail, bushwhacking, no direction familiar...it feels supernatural somehow. Sometimes it has taken hours to find our way back from a planned two hour ride. It is a contested landscape.

None of this bothers John as long as he can get a bite to eat now & then!

Cows From Outer Space

2009-07-21T04:04:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I rode out with Lisa, who owns the barn where I board. We left the back of their property and went on roads to meet up with another friend and ride a new trail system about 2 miles away.

On the way we suddenly came upon some curious cows. We had been in a kind of shrubbery tunnel and when we exited, there were these cows watching us intently.

John thought maybe they were Not Ordinary Cows.

He suspected something like this:

He did his spook-in-place routine, wherein he lowers his head and swings it away from the feared object without actually changing course. But then he didn't want to leave these cows. He apparently thought they should be kept under observation.

They thought the same of him so we had a nice long mutual stare.

It was a perfect day for a longer ride: clear, sunny, about 75 degrees F., and not too bad in the bug department. Lisa's friend belongs to the local mounted rescue unit and we had a nice visit with her. She wasn't able to ride with us but drew us a map of the trail system adjacent to her farm and we rode there with much enjoyment: wide mowed paths, ferny woods alternating with sunny grassy stretches, and nice hills so that John & I could practice not rushing downhill - a continuing issue.

On the way home I took a picture of one of Lisa's trail signs; this is for PonyGirl and PaintGirl, who have apparently been riding in a place like this lately where they are spotting mutant monkeys:

Mutant monkeys, space cows; thank goodness for horses who show us how strange this old world really is!!

And finally, here's a cute photo of the barn's little filly with her teeny filly fly mask on:

This filly was an accidental 'bonus' who came with the mare unbeknownst to the purchaser. Hope she gets some good handling and finds a good home; she will be a TBx?, poor little honey.

Neat and Safe Way to Dally Your Leadrope

2009-07-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

If you like to ride with a rope halter and lead attached to your horse, as opposed to back at the barn when you suddenly need it!, here's a neat and safe way to keep your leadrope out of your way but still handy as you ride.

I like having a leadrope to tie John to a tree when we stop, because it's strictly forbidden to tie a horse by reins -- in spite of what we all grew up seeing on TV westerns. The horse's mouth could get badly injured that way.

But for several years I struggled with the lead wrapped around the saddle horn, coming unwrapped, slithering around, and being a general pain. Then a lovely lady showed me this trick which I am passing on in case you might not have seen it already!

STEP 1:Start with this:

You have looped the lead over the saddle horn, leaving enough on the horse end for him to move freely and stretch out his neck, but not enough to get a foot or branch caught.

STEP 2: Make a loop however you like; no knot!! just a loop of rope.

STEP 3: Pull a loop of the tail end of the rope through the first loop you made, but not all the way through; stop when you have a nice little second loop, like this:

STEP 4: Repeat Step 3, as many times as it takes to get a nice chain of loops leaving a reasonable tail length. It should just be out of your way.

STEP 5: Tail through last loop.
If you just leave your "crocheted" loops hanging, they will come undone as you ride. So the last thing you do is thread the tail through the last loop, just like you do with a quick-release knot to keep your horse from untying himself.

And that's that!

Your rope is right there when you need to undo it quickly and pop a rattlesnake on the head, or whip yourself for having such an expensive hobby, or even tie your horse.

In case you are wondering how I got John to stand still for these pictures since his lead rope is obviously not attached to anything! He is eating. The Second Coming could occur, with horns and earthquakes and celestial ladies riding on bulls, and he would go. on. eating.

This part of our trail system I refer to as "The Runway" because it looks like we could just fly out into blue sky from here. It actually ends in a steep slope down to a hay field.

On today's ride 2 neat things happened:

1. We saw bear scat right in the middle of the trail; John recognized it and acted a bit nervous and wary for awhile. And:

2. We were zoomed by a huge bird - I mean wingspan of about 5 feet. It came soundlessly down from behind us and almost touched John's ears. I was too scared to notice what kind of bird it might have been. "Birdus Really Biggus" I think would be the scientific name.

ACK!! Actual Bears in my Vicinity!!

2009-07-09T08:12:00.001-07:00

So I was out walking the dogs this morning and what comes lumbering down a driveway but Two Huge Black Bears!! This is not my photo - I didn't have my camera and am not sure I could have operated it at the time anyway. But they looked exactly like this except fatter and so, pretty much, did the driveway.

They were so beautiful. Their fur was so black, shiny, soft and deep that you could have buried your hands in it to the wrists. They had just finished dragging someone's garbage all around and could easily have eaten both my dogs in one bite.

Rufus, the younger dog, began his shrieking. I don't know how else to describe it - he just screams like a banshee, which attracted their attention very effectively. They both paused and stared.

I stopped still and considered what to do. Back away? Call for help? In the end I did nothing (default mode) and they grew bored and cantered off.

I did not know that bears could canter!! They had a nice rocking chair gait just a bit too much on the forehand. As they cantered, their fur rippled and blew in the breeze. My knees were shaky and Rufus and Gabe finally got over it; Cavaliers are NOT hunting dogs!! They were even scared by this the other day:

We had a little "Who is More Scared?" contest and I believe the dogs won, thanks to Rufus's operatic vocalizations. This dog is embarrassing. Good thing he is so cute.
That's Young Pavarotti on the right below, me in the middle, and Gabriel on the left, at the Rose Garden last week:

In this photo Rufus is wet due to having chased a stick into Lake Superior moments before. If anyone has any tips on training a dog not to sing like a panicking soprano, please pass them along to me.

John's First Communion Dress

2009-06-28T10:30:00.001-07:00

Well it looked something like that when I first put it on him. It was a shiny very pale blue, and had a rather skirt-like rear end so as to cover his haunches well.

When I saw him Friday, he had managed to get some mossy vegetation stuck into his eye under the fly mask. The mask had prevented him from rubbing it out, so there it sat and there were little tracks of tears down his cheek under that eye.

So goodbye mask, at least for the time being. Plan B is the fly sheet, viewed above in its pristine state. I'll post the "after" photo later, when it is stained, torn, rubbed into snags, and otherwise broken in.

More proof that horse ownership is a bottomless pit of expenditure, at least if you are a worrywart like me...

What goes on in the minds of dogs?

2009-06-25T02:10:00.000-07:00

Dogs amaze me with their constant happiness; life is one big festival for a dog. They eat pretty much the same thing every day, but every meal is a party! "Kibble again!!" Their daily walk is a source of so much jubilation they can barely contain themselves. My younger dog Rufus actually squeaks with excitement for the first few blocks; his joy cannot be contained.

When I leave the house to water the flowers or something, here is what I see upon my return:

Two earnest little faces awaiting me, and then the dancing doth commence! She's back! it doesn't matter how many times a day this happens; it's always cause for celebration.

Why can't we humans be more like dogs??! If we would jump up and greet our loved ones with ecstatic dancing every time they came in the house, or if we would celebrate each meal with outbursts of uncontrollable happiness, or take our walks in a cloud of happy squeaking, we'd be better off I think.

Where is the bottomless well from which dogs draw their love and joy? We need some of that miracle.

"No Flies On Me!" - Summer = Horseflies

2009-06-21T05:51:00.001-07:00

Fly season is here, and John's new fly mask is the stylin' kind with eyeballs and spectacles painted on. I think it captures his personality pretty well, with that amused expression and raised eyebrow implying, "Oh, reaaalllly?"

Everyone handles horse fly season differently and according to their principles: some people buy the strongest chemical concoction available, and drench their equines all summer long. This requires careful thinking about risk. If a fly spray comes with instructions "Do Not Allow Contact With Skin", there's a fair likelihood it poses some danger to the horse as well.

Some people purchase fly sheets, which are great at preventing bites but do add a heat factor for the horse.

Still others make their own "natural" fly sprays, and that's the route I'm taking this summer. Here's the recipe I was given by the barn owner:

3 cups apple cider vinegar

3/4 cup Avon Skin-So-Soft bath oil

1/3 cup Dawn dish soap

The Avon product has a fragrance that really bothers me though; I know some people love it but to me it is rank. The Dawn ('original fragrance') also is quite strong, and adding vinegar to these gives you quite the head-rush. It also produces a sticky horse, so that dust adheres to the coat. It's not a perfect solution, but it does seem to keep flies at bay pretty well. And not too expensive!

Happy Father's Day to everyone! Take a minute to thank a dad, your own or someone else's, for taking on a tough job with a very confusing and contradictory job description!!

"These are the Voyages...": MRI Fun

2009-06-18T14:58:00.000-07:00

I had my very first MRI today, on the hapless knee that is giving me so much grief. It was so Star Trek! Here's exactly what the machine looked like though this is not a picture I took myself.

If you have had MRI's you know what I mean but the sounds that machine made!! It was almost comical. If Buck Rogers needed a machine to sound 'outer space like' this one would fill the bill.

I parked far away from the facility because I located a free spot, and then hobbled all the way to the door whereupon I spied about 56 empty parking spots labeled "MRI PATIENTS". Well I needed the fresh air oh dee doh doh.

As soon as I was parked in the space capsule and the young lady told me not to move, I had a huge desire to twitch my toes, sneeze, yawn, shift around, stretch, wave my feet in the air, and otherwise perversely agitate my limbs. I had to meditate on a little spot I saw above my face, which when my eyes focused properly was a tiny sign reading:

LASER BEAM: DO NOT STARE INTO THIS LENS

It took 25 minutes for this high-tech process to run its beeping blanging buzzing course. The patient after me was a disoriented man in a wheelchair who thought the nurses had stolen his clothes; they were all quietly upset and at great pains to explain to him that no, his clothes were safe; 'Well then where are they?', he demanded. "They're in the locker". "Show me my pants!!" he demanded. I felt bad for all of them but I beat a hasty retreat.

My MRI novice run was preceded by a delightful lunch with a work colleague, at which so much skinny was dished that I can hardly remember it all...but it revolved around my college, the dean whereunto pertaining has resigned after creating some chaos, and which dean's secretary has posted this sign on the dean's door:

The flashed out part says "transition", and as a whole the sign pretty much says it all.

Golden Days of June on the Trail...OUCH!!!!

2009-06-13T05:12:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was such a day: golden sunshine, 70's and a light breeze, there is nothing to do on a day like this but Ride Your Horse. I barreled through the morning chores and online course work, threw two giant carrots in my bag and hurried out to find John sound asleep on his side in the green pasture, watched over by his friend Firzy, who did not budge from his protective position nor cease giving me the hairy eyeball until John got up and moseyed over to me. Firzy is a great nap guardian. I hope John returns the favor although I haven't seen it yet.

The barn owner was having a yard sale and I even managed not to stop and buy the beautiful red and black wool saddle blanket that snagged my eye...the way our weather has been this summer, you just have to get out there as fast as possible, before the temperature drops 30 degrees, the wind becomes a gale, hail starts to form and 7 devils from Hell begin to chase you.

So I mounted up and...pop went my left knee. AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The pain was incredible. I couldn't move my foot - no stirrup on that side; I couldn't do anything but sit there with my eyes bugging out and try not to curse, though there was no one around to hear but John and I think he enjoys that sort of language...Anyway,

When John's rider goes AWOL he just goes on autopilot so we walked in drunken sailor circles for awhile until the feeling returned to my lower leg. I have no idea what happened in that knee but it was something bad. It had been wonky since I hurt it jumping out of the truck bed a month ago, but I thought it was getting right again on its own. Hmm.

The ride went on as planned and it wasn't too bad; every now & then I took my foot out of the stirrup and stretched the leg out; it was mobile up to a certain point and then just LOCK. But we rode for about 2 hours and I let John stop at his snack bar for a few mouthfuls of yummy clover stalks:

Then it was time to dismount. I gave this some thought, and we stopped in a spot where he would be lower than the ground where I'd be stepping. However, I can tell you that there are No Words for the pain that dismount caused. I just stood there gasping. Fortunately John also just stood there, puzzled but interested. "NOW what is the matter with her??"

We made our hobbly way to the cross ties, and then out to the pasture, and I felt about 240 years old. If I have permanently buggered up my knee I will be so sad. I did make an appointment at the clinic for Monday afternoon so am just literally taking baby steps this weekend. If I sit in one place for any length of time, hoochy mama! Ibuprofen doesn't seem to make a dent but I'm taking it anyway for the anti-inflammatory.

I went online to study the anatomy of the knee: complicated little machines, these joints!!

In this knee image from www.athleticadvisor.com, functions for the different ligaments are described and I'm thinking posterior cruciate ligament might be the culprit, because my leg wants to bend backwards too far and feels a little like a marionette with one string cut.

So everyone take care of your knees!! :(

Competitive Dog-Sleeping: New Sport around the House

2009-06-06T03:38:00.000-07:00

It's a little hard to see in this picture, but Gabey and Rufus are slammed up against my thigh each one trying to be the closer dog.

The pink floral thing is my bathrobe; my laptop is in danger of having dog ears on the keyboard.

I'd be flattered except that I think this is not about me, but about them: a little game of one-upmanship that they play in their gentle way (these are lovers not fighters). If Rufus (the blacker dog) shifts an inch, Gabey steals that inch and shoves himself into it.

In these photos Gabe is actually on top of Rufus's body, but Rufe has refused to shift out of the way. It's a standoff this morning, but they live to compete another day...

And in another way...

Johnny Eats A Bento Lunch on the Trail!

2009-05-30T12:30:00.001-07:00

Yes I did make my horse a bento box lunch, or snack really, and yes he did enjoy it. There. That's the alpha and omega of this story, but as always, it is beta-gamma-delta etc. that contain all the mishaps.

A beautiful morning, sent from heaven unaltered, just as a glimpse of what heaven may be like if there is one: sun, cool breezes, bird song, and everyone looks pretty including of course John:

So I decided to pack a lunch and try for the Long Ride. This would involve crossing County Road 1 and following a bike path several miles to an entry to a huge state park trail system which has been luring me since I moved to the new barn.

I packed bento box lunches for both Johnny and myself;

His has carrots, grapes, and a granola bar; mine has fried rice, pink grapefruit, and peanut butter pretzels.

I was rushing through this preparation process due to the fine morning; in our climate, weather can change drastically within minutes, not even hours, so I wanted not to miss the golden ride time if at all possible.

So I made it and he was in a fine mood and off we went. I put on his bear bells which are mostly decorative although (a) we both seem to enjoy the jingle, and (b) there have been bear sightings all around town this spring.

Here's a little video of the bear bells and walking:

And here we are gaiting out a bit:

We had a terrific ride and we ate our lunches without actually killing each other so that's a plus.

John did attack his bento a bit before I offered it to him, but he's a horse after all. The expression 'hungry as a horse' does have bearing.

The sky was so infinitely blue!! Like you could just have floated up there and gone swimming or flying in blue forever.

I am going to work on my horse bento technique. I believe I may be the only person in the universe who is making horse bentos. That would make me either the coolest person in the universe, or the biggest idiot. I know where my vote's going!!

Johnny Goes Camping!

2009-05-25T05:21:00.000-07:00

Three days of riding and taking care of Johnny's every need! Minnesota Trail Riders Association sponsors these group camping trips and you can count on group rides plus individual rides as you wish. We arrived at Foothills Horse Camp near Backus MN on Friday at around 1 p.m. and I got John settled with some hay and water on his tie line, got the dogs watered and bedded down in the trailer,

and went in search of someone to ride with. Right away I found a new friend Linda, and her cute young Quarterhorse Peanut. We agreed to tack up and ride out together in 1/2 hour. Neither of us knew the trails and both of us are directionally challenged but there was a map and it turned out fine.

Paul our camp host had created an obstacle course for us to warm up our horses - he had observed that some horses have trouble with unfamiliar things on the trail. So John and I, and Linda and Peanut tried it out:

It involves walking your horse across a tarp covered with beer cans, closely placed barrels to pass through, a platform to cross with step down onto a black tarp, and a platform teeter-totter. John got a big thrill out of smashing the beer cans; he kept wanting to go back through. I am sure he is the kind of guy who would pop packing material all night long.

At night I was able to lie in my sleeping place over the gooseneck of the trailer and observe John in his various sleeping postures: standing, down with chin resting on ground, down flat out with all legs sticking straight out, etc. I woke up about every hour to observe him until about 5 a.m. the first night when I opened my loving eyes to observe: no horse!

Panic, heart pounding, I clamber down out of my sleeping loft and by "clamber" I mean crash down into the dogs' water bowl and various other objects, scramble for clothes, project myself out the door, only to see a calm horse in the dawn light 5 feet from me. John looked up like, Oh, are you awake too?

He had somehow slipped out of his halter, which was hanging by the leadrope from the tie line. So it wasn't my knot coming undone, which I always expect.

later that day I was telling someone about it and I said, "There was John, standing naked eating, just as calm as you please." And someone who had overheard this said, "Which guy is John?" Thinking I was describing a man who was perhaps inebriated, which would be entirely plausible because some people interpret horse camping as PARTAAY!! Which is fine; they are usually sooo tired from riding that they can only drink and holler until about 10 p.m. and then everyone staggers off.

One young couple got engaged on this trip, and they were sort of cute but sort of odd too. They talked a lot about having sex while out on a trail ride, in fact the very ride where they got engaged. They pointed out deer stands where they had 'done it', and these were flimsy platforms up in trees with no sides to them. The groom-to-be was very quiet, and looked dumbstruck, like a dump truck of sex had backed up beeping into his life and begun unloading, and it is impairing his judgement. The bride-to-be was a YEEHAW rider, a type I have met before on these trips.

YEEHAW riders like to run their horses down steep embankments while shouting Yeehaw; they like to gallop off and gallop back doing the same; they believe their horses require stern discipline, whupping and cursing. Can you tell how much I love these people?!

But the most fun thing about these MTRA trips is all the diverse horse people. and all the beautiful horses. Here's a picture of two cute Appy butts for PonyGirl:

And here are some more fellow riders:

These two matching Tennessee Walker mares were so cute; their owners were wife and husband and had matching pommel bags, boots, saddles, everything. Here's the head of one of their mares so you can see the prettiness:

It was quite a time! John did his rushing downhill and close following tricks, showing me we have some things to work on, but he refused nothing: deep water crossings, heavy brush crossings, down trees, deep mud, ATV's, nothing fazes him. I feel so lucky to have him in my life, and so humbled by his generous heart. I'm not worthy.

But after 3 days of this I was so ready to come home and take a shower!! The buildup of bug spray, sunscreen and dust is aggravating after awhile. And Johnny was thrilled to get back to his green pasture - he left me holding my treat at the gate - he was so done! - and pranced out into the evening sun looking like King Horse, shaking his mane.

Happy Memorial Day! Hope everyone has a chance to relax and think and enjoy their horses too.

A Hot Wind and Mares in Heat

2009-05-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

It was the weirdest day at the barn: a hot wind like the meltemi blowing at gale force, bending big trees and making the barn walls shudder. Two or possibly 3 mares in heat. All geldings perturbed by one or the other or both of these phenomena.

John was sacked out asleep when I got there, but when he finally got up:

...he immediately sniffed the wind and raised his face in the crazy-lips-mouth bare teeth universal salute to the scent of a mare. I didn't get a picture of it because I didn't expect it to last so long as it did.

This evening I have been packing for the upcoming horse camping trip with Minnesota Trail Riders Association. If all goes as planned we will be riding Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday. I will have those strange night of sleep in which every 15 minutes I wake up and look to see if John has departed for another state or just gone off to steal someone's food. Thanks goodness he has some white; I look for that in the moonlight if there is any.

I am also packing food for myself, which is hard because I know there will be some item I develop a violent craving for, which I will not have brought along. Somehow riding a lot all at once stirs up weird pregnancy-like cravings. Last time it was a Chunky candy bar that would have saved my life but instead I died of needing one. This time I have 4, no less, but I'm sure they won't appeal to me...nevertheless I may manage to make my way through one or 3.

Anyway I am glad that John feels secure enough at his new barn to lie down and sleep in the pasture; here you see his buddy Firzie watching over him:

If I can I will catch some video of Firzie's magical floating trot. 3PennyJane has given me this homework assignment!

Hope everyone has something nice planned for Memorial Day weekend and that we will also remember...it's strange that it is such a happy holiday - long weekend early in summer! - and the reason for it is so mournful really.

Second #1 Son Graduates: On Wisconsin!!

2009-05-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day it was.

Lovely Ride with a New Friend

2009-05-13T15:32:00.001-07:00

On Monday afternoon John and I got to ride out with John's pasture-mate Firzie and his lovely owner. This was a first for me: riding out with a companion at the new barn.

It happened by accident. I was there tacking up, Firzie's owner arrived and we just decided to go together.

This horse is in his early 2o's and in a sort of retirement; they have had a long happy career together of dressage, eventing, and hunter/jumper shows.

Firzie does not do more than he wants to these days, so Patty rides him to his wishes rather than hers; she said, "He gave me so much for so many years, and all that time I was telling him You Must Do this!! so now, he gets to choose what he wants to do."

Mostly I was struck by the fact that he has not been an easy horse for her. He has apparently been spooky, difficult to travel with, a refuser to drink strange water, a hot reactor to change at all times, and yet she just stuck with him and still does. His retirement is with her, with easy jobs and excellent care, in gratitude for all he gave her for so many years.

Today I saw John and Firzie actually playing, and I saw what she had described about her horse in his showing days: "an Arab who looks like a Lipizzan and has a stallion attitude". Firzie can trot without hardly touching the ground!! Amazing loft to that gait. John was just like an ant in comparison: scuttle along and gait.

I am so impressed with the way this horse and rider have decided upon each other, no matter what. This is a great horse and owner relationship. I haven't seen one quite like this in all my days of horse craziness.

Pony Tails

2009-05-09T03:05:00.001-07:00

Lytha of Horse-Crazy American in Germany has inspired me to try to keep John's tail cleaner because she likes Baasha's tail to be snow-white. Well John won't make that standard, partly because his tail does have some black hair in it. But yesterday I gave him the Pony Tail treatment with a shampoo, cream rinse, and Show Sheen detangling. This took about one hour and he practically fell asleep during the process.

We then went for a 2 hour trail ride to dry it and show off to the birds, flies, and guinea hen gang that had mobbed the yard by the time of our return:

I don't think I've ever been this close to guinea fowl before. Let me tell you they make some strange noises. It's like a whole shelf's worth of Random Avian Sound Effects got bestowed upon them at the creation, in return for their awkward pin head appearance.

This is apparently a gang of Guinea thugs who wander the farmscape looking for trouble or bugs; they were running down the road practicing their sound effects as I left.

And I made this little movie of John in his new paddock, so that you could see his body condition. In return for being boring, it is very short:

His belly has lost that aggravated puffy look; behind the ribs where he used to have a bulge, he now is concave. His coat is shiny and bright, and his eye is cheerful again like when I first bought him. This is from 3 weeks at the new barn, and different hay, different feeding schedule, and also just spring finally arriving.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

The Horse's Mouth: Equine Dentist Visit!

2009-05-05T16:28:00.000-07:00

Sunday was Dentist Day for Johnnie and my new boarding barn mates. Finally I got to meet some of the others who board at this lovely quiet place. What a nice group of ladies. We were united in admiration of our equine dentist. The photo above is of his traveling rig. The horses go in the back and rest their heads or necks in a padded collar; a single stall has been narrowly walled in the middle to hold them up when they're sedated.

Our dentist is a vet who specialized in equine dental care, invented most of his own tools, and covers a wide area. He is also single and owns a 4000-acre horse and cattle ranch in South Dakota - "All the single ladies, put your hands up!" He remembers a lot of info about each client and each horse even though there are hundreds of both in a given year of his practice. And he wears hot looking jeans and cowboy boots.

He's been doing my horses' teeth for some years now, and I've noticed an interesting phenomenon of improved personal hygiene on dentist day, among my horsegirl friends. A touch of lipstick takes the place of chapstick, or the cleaner jeans appear. There have even been hopeful paper plates of chocolate chip cookies. But so far no senorita has become his senora over the grinding of equine molars.

He's delightful to talk to and we had a nice chat about retirement. I made my little gallows-humor joke about my fully invested retirement fund which has taken such a beating I may be teaching until I'm 273 years old. I said, Anyway no reason to retire as long as you are having fun!

And he said, And every day, or really every horse, is different and challenging. Every horse's mouth is different, and they will surprise you: the best bred, best cared for horse will have a terrible mouth, while a woolly muddy old heffalump will have gorgeous dentition. You just never know!

His eyes were just sparkling when he talked about his work. That's the way it should be for everyone!!

Here's John getting his points ground down:

Johnnie has "a very nice mouth" and doesn't need too much work; indeed I won't get to see our dentist friend for two years now unless I happen upon dental day.

The horse before John had a tooth blow up and there was blood, pus, stench, the owner almost fainted, the trailer door flew open and her white face appeared as Dr. Charming unfolded a chair for her to sit in the breeze and watch the clean-up. After me was an owner who was just praying that her aged horse's molars could last out another year and not be pulled; they were loose in their sockets last year at this time.

John is strongly affected by anaesthesia even though Dr. HotRanch uses 1/2 the usual amount for him; so I waited until I saw this little expression:

before I could leave.

It was a really interesting day and I just love knowing all of John's teeth are smooth and in good shape. He did have a pocket of some weird business going on in the front upper gum. Dr. DreamGuy said this might go away with the post-work bute he gave. And today I couldn't find it but I don't trust my skills as John doesn't really let me explore his gums the way he lets Doctor Slowhands do it.

So Happy Trails to You our much-admired Equine Dentist!! We'll put our lipsticks away for another time...sigh.

"In our end is our beginning"

2009-05-03T04:45:00.001-07:00

Montana has a new owner. You might remember my experiences of trying to sell him and having various misadventures, of moving John to a new boarding situation and deciding on the spur of the moment to leave Montana behind.

For the past 2 weeks I have been in an emotional stew wondering what should happen: should I sign over ownership to the former barn's trainer and let him become a school horse? I've never thought school horses have the most enviable life. Some of them have personalities that suit the work, more or less; I never could believe Montana has that personality. Should I just move him as my husband said "Get him out of there!!"? Should I temporize, pay another month's board and buy some time to think?

A solution has appeared out of heaven and it seems to be perfect. On Friday Montana was duly purchased, and he became the longed-for new partner of a lovely young woman who grew up with horses but has been horseless for 10 years since her mare was tragically hit by a car in a freak accident. She has been working at my former boarding barn as an assistant riding instructor and 'paying off' rides on the barn's young (rank) horses with chores etc. Kind of an equine Cinderella situation. Montana will be her handsome prince. She loves dressage and jumping, so does he. She wants to show; he's great at shows. She has time and love to give, he has an infinite capacity to be loved and snuggled.

This solution would have appeared to both of us sooner if it were not for some disinformation which...I won't go into, but all of you who know barn bitchery can fill in this blank.

The next day there appeared on her Facebook page an entire photo album named "Montana Love". She feeds him peanut butter granola bars so he will be in high cotton. From his royal wardrobe of excess tack and etc. I was able to supply her with all she needs to start pampering His Highness in his accustomed style - everything has to match, everything has to be expensive, everything possible must be burgundy.

Today I will go out to ride John with a guiltfree heart for the first time since I insanely purchased him (when my husband was taking a few riding lessons and I jumped on the rationalization). Endings and beginnings. All those times, "...In which we have said the rose of our love and the clean Horse of our courage".

And by the way, how about that Kentucky Derby yesterday? Mine That Bird looked like another species of animal altogether as he flew past the earth bound pack to win by 20 lengths. And he did not look tired after! Just happy. 50-1 odds. "Bets I Wish I Had Placed" department.

Twisted X Boots OMG!!

2009-05-01T17:18:00.001-07:00

Well Ponygirl endorsed these boots a few months back and I filed that away, but just last month I bought some. Oh my dear heaven, what comfortable boots from the get-go, and I walked around all day in them and just kept thinking they were more and more comfy every step.

I can't say enough good about these boots. You won't believe it - the old timey "Hush Puppy" feeling in a western swank boot? yes. Love it.

First Trail Ride at John's New Barn

2009-04-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

Taking advantage of a warm day that was unexpectedly free of rain, I took John out on the trail system behind his new boarding barn. This was quite the adventure - I had no idea what to expect. The barn owners had said these trails are 'nice' and that was all I knew.

They were not exaggerating. These trails are as wide as a vehicle, some great hills for hillwork, firm sandy surface, and they even have signage:

Signs are great for people like me who suffer from GetLost-o-Phobia.

John was great about all the unusual things we saw: deer stands, heaps of logs, some big fat noisy birds (young turkeys? Old grouse?). He was bothered only by several ponds with a loud Halleluiah Chorus of frogs being broadcast from them. Maybe he has never heard so numerous froggies in one place, in his young life. They were pretty deafening.

We were out for about two hours at a walk and did not take all the trails, just one big outer loop of the system really = lots more to explore and this is terrific.

As soon as we turned toward home, John picked up the pace quite considerably as in "I'm outta here!" and we had to do many circles, stops, and even walk backwards on the trail for long stretches to divert this. Maybe it was too much a baptism of fire for having been at the new place only one week.

However it was a good workout for him and there is no experience in the world like the first time on a new trail with a horse. You don't know what's going to happen, you hope for the best; it's a new world out there.

He was sweet as honey when we got back and had a good roll in the sand, then marched off to join his new buddy who nickered for him from his flat-out sunbathing position in the pasture. I love this place. I kept thinking about NuzzlingMuzzles' comment that this horse facility is like a classy private boarding school. Sitting on my saddle in the tack room was a copy of the boarding contract and a receipt for my board payment. In all the time I've been boarding, I've never seen either before. It's a whole new world.

John's New Barn

2009-04-19T13:50:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I moved John to a new boarding facility. Without going off on an endless whineybinge about the reasons, let me just say: 360 acres as opposed to 80, 14 horses as opposed to 50, home-grown sweet green hay as opposed to dusty giant square bales of woody stalks, and ambient estrogen quotient reduced by about 8000%. John will have one pasture mate, pictured here:

A gentlemanly older Arab; they made friends in 2 minutes and now seem like they've been pastured together since the dawn of time.

At this barn they do grow their own hay and they test it as well, so they know what they're feeding. The back of the property is about 250 acres of trail systems;
; across the road is a state park of 8818 acres. Not all of this is horse-legal but John and I can certainly have fun exploring there this summer.

Now where does that leave Montana? This is the part I'm not entirely sure about yet. As I was about to load up yesterday, the barn owner came out & said her daughter is interested in keeping Montana. She has been riding him and enjoys him, and he could be a lesson horse for her advanced dressage students. Daughter out of town this weekend.

So after thinking and talking some more, I left him there. I have tried to sell him for a year now, and no luck although one very near miss did occur. I have to admit that my interest in dressage has faded to an uneasy afterglow in recent years. Since John to be exact. The shows, the tall boots, the white breeches, the arena letters, all this I could say goodbye to without regret. Montana is not a fun trail horse these days - he is reactive, barn sour, and can be hot - and while I feel guilty for not working him out of this, I would be relieved not to have to. If he found a dressage job with someone who loves it, that would be a great outcome for me.

So he is Left Behind as the Rapture folks say. I fully expect to get a phone call saying come pick him up. I have come to think of him as the equine cocklebur of my life.

Random product endorsement: I had a flat tire on my horse trailer yesterday and got my first taste of the service provided by USRider, the horse trailer insurance people. I love this company! 10 minutes to get a call back from a dispatcher, another 10 to get a huge truck pulling up next to me with a monster jack and a cute dude to operate it! And no charge whatsoever. I renewed my membership as soon as I walked into the house. I know real cowgirls change their own flats but I was in a state of jangled nerves and it was nice to be 'taken care of' so well.

Our Spring Gaiting Hillwork

2009-04-12T15:27:00.000-07:00

I've really enjoyed GreyHorseMatters blog entries on conditioning horses after winter. I work on this mainly with John as Montana's work stays pretty constant through the winter.

John's gaiting is smooth these days, and his tendency to pace has largely disappeared (for the time being, knock wood). But he needs strength training and to lose a few pounds so we are doing roadwork.

In this video you see my favorite gentle hill, on the road near the barn, and a favorite pastime for Johnny and me in the spring: gaiting hillwork.

He is not easily bored outdoors so he doesn't mind repetitions; we go up and down this hill maybe 3-5 times in a ride.

His gait when at its smoothest should be 1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4, all beats perfectly equal in time. If you listen carefully to this set, you will hear him start out right, get a little pacey, correct, slope into a little paciness, then correct again.

I like the ways his ears are forward and he is checking everything out: that's my trail scout Johnnie!! We startled a few ducks and a plastic bag on this trip. John found them stimulating but not unnerving.

Is Horsebackriding Good Exercise??

2009-04-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

Have you run into people who don't think a horse hobby really can yield a good workout?

I had a doctor tell me this, quite confidently, at a physical once; "Oh well you ride horses; of course that's not a true workout because...the horse is doing all the work!" Picture happy smiling doctor telling me what's what, from the standpoint of infinite knowledge. Yukkety yuk, Young Doctor Malone.

I beg to differ.

Yesterday I began my little non-exercise hobby chasing a horse for 1/2 hour, fuming and swinging my lead rope and attempting to kill him. Murderous rage plus running full tilt = good workout, Young Doctor Malone.

I had driven up the road to the barn past my horses' pasture and seen: small horse hanging like a big hairy tick from my horse John's general jugular area. John backing up with pinned ears and panicky stumbling, young horse hanging on. John backed into electric fence, John shaking his head. Young horse hanging on.

The young horse is a giveaway acquired for the schooling program at my boarding barn. He is described as a Hackney Pony because;

1. He has weird gaits
2. He is small
3. He has unusual conformation.

I'm pretty sure there's more to being a Hackney Pony than this. What I am certain about is that he is a PIA of royal proportions.

A very large (4" square) section of neck skin is missing from Montana, and John would no doubt be likewise the 'visible horse' if he didn't have such tough hide.

So I took off after this "Hackney Pony" and chased him all around the yard. My goal was to show him some dominance and keep him away from something he wanted (the hay bales) while also perhaps landing a pleasing thwack on his rump with the rope to vent off my rage.

I noticed:

1. Horses can run so much faster and farther than humans; it's not fair.

2. John got into it right away and was running at my side, ears pinned, reaching for a nip whenever we got close to the young HackDude. It was a very eerie feeling running alongside him in a common purpose like that. How did he know I wasn't mad at every horse but just HackDude?

I was wrung out by the end, and what decided the end? HackDude began to look pathetic rather than defiant. John admired me greatly all that day and we rode out along the newly thawed dirt road, John snorting and blowing and gaiting perfectly. I believe I gained some points in his mind. I hope so.

It did scare me how furious I was. I hope I don't see that sight again, ever.

This is my idol we're talking about.

And speaking of exercise:

My employer offers us $60 if we take a "wellness assessment", and another $60 if we sign up for a health improvement program. Well, that's money in these times so I did both.

I signed up for the 10,000 Steps Program, which asks you to walk 10,00o steps a day for 2 months and use a pedometer to clock the steps - they sent you the pedometer.

I discovered I walk a lot anyway but I also discovered:

If you wear your pedometer while riding, you accumulate unholy amounts of steps!! i am talking about 14,000 steps in one half hour ride!! I found this out by accident - meant to take the thing off before riding but forgot. I think it just gets jiggled so much it goes mad during riding....

I don't in any way intend to submit riding "steps" for my actual walking program but I thought it was so funny to mount up at "1209 steps" and dismount at "18904 steps" without having my feet touch the earth once.

Now remind me why I can't kill that young horse.

"Is it really time to get up?"

2009-04-04T11:09:00.001-07:00

"But breakfast isn't over yet."

"I still have most of this nest I made..."

"Oh well OK. And maybe I'll get to visit with Orange Kitteh."

I hit the barn early today and John was not thrilled to see me although he obligingly did get up and mosey over after a bit of staring at me in mock disbelief. Even Montana was napping in the morning sun:

That was before he realized that a mare in his pasture is in heat, which produced a display of Gelding Self-Deception that was textbook.

Speaking randomly of Geldings versus Stallions, here's a hilarious video by a Swedish singer? named Gunther; I dare you to watch all the way to the end because there is something at the very end that makes it all worthwhile, and it is NOT a sudden return to good taste:

Hay for the Horses

2009-03-27T12:30:00.000-07:00

I've decided that John is the reincarnation of a Roman emperor. Reasons:

1. He is supremely self-confident as would befit an absolute monarch.

2. He believes he is the center of the universe; "All Roads Lead to Rome."

3. He gives the people their circuses (by stealing their hats, picking up his bowl, bowing etc.).

4. But most importantly: he makes a little couch for himself out of fresh hay and then lies down to eat in it.

Today I held gates for the barn owner to put out big square bales in the biggest pasture.

I was impressed at how well the horses have their hierarchy sorted out: first big bale, top tier of horses. The second tier stands and waits:

Their hay shall come. The barn owner was diagnosed with lymphoma last year around this same time. It has been, for her, a year of chemotherapy, radiation, experimental treatments, shunts, exhausting travel, fatigue, and hope alternating with near certainty of immanent death. She never stopped putting out hay for the horses. And she never once, not even once!, complained.

Some of us are brave.

Night of the Living Deer

2009-03-23T04:24:00.001-07:00

Last night somewhere near the beginning of Rambo II, could Sylvester Stallone be any more godlike?, a shadow appeared outside my living room window. This startled me a little and I took a look through the blinds which have to stay closed or you can't see the television which would be fatal to all life on the planet - and that's what I saw.

This little adolescent deer is (a) chubby, and (b) very much still wearing her winter coat.

As you can see she is eating the shrubbery. I tapped on the window in the time-honored manner of territorial folks who are too lazy to go outside and chase something away. The deer looked at me with indignation and began to mosey. I returned to Rambo.

Minutes later more dark shadows appeared outside my office window, and I went to take a look there.

It was like a scene out of "Night of the Living Dead": there were about five of them, full grown and staring me in the face. It was so freaky. They are not afraid! They have fleas!! They eat apple trees!! Here they are slowly leaving the yard:

They'll be back.

Rambo: Photographs?
Murdock: Just photographs. Under no circumstances are you to engage the enemy!

Every time I got up I had to disturb the poor dogs:

which is animal cruelty in their moral universe. Sometimes it is hard to balance the competing interests of sensitive life forms.

Spring Snowmelt

2009-03-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

I was the first person out to the barn this morning so I cracked some ice and the horses had an interesting time walking over snowmelt and ice combined. In the photo you can't tell but that is running water under the ice.

1. Montana: "GAAA! My foot slipped. It's the end of the world. Save me Horse Gods! Oh lordy. Well that's OK then, I guess we can walk on.".

2. John: "Ho di ho ho, nice new development here in this road, I think I'd like to drink some of this water here, check me after about 5 minutes of slurping. Yup! Good Stuff."

Hog Heaven

2009-03-16T05:32:00.000-07:00

"Look; there she is. How much can I eat before she gets here? I bet I can make a dent in this pile. I'll just keep eating right up until that halter hits my head. Maybe I'll keep eating even while she puts it on. Oh, one last bite - grab, munch munch, It's a good day."

"Ha. She's all done, now back to my real job. All those other fools are around behind the run-in eating from the Self-Same Hay Pile. Winston and me, we're the smart ones. As usual. Dude, meet you in the middle. We're the kings of the world!"

Merrily We Gait Along

2009-03-14T12:15:00.000-07:00

Kathy and I decided to meet up early this morning and ride our gaited horses together. That way we can each observe the gaits of the other horse and share strategies and training tips, while also conducting a happy session of 'critical information networking' i.e. barn gossip. We put down cavaletti on a circle and worked on getting them to lift their feet and tuck under a bit more. We also worked on stopping them midway over the pole and trying to sidepass down the length. Which caused both our horses to reverse and back over the pole to get all 4 feet on the approach side.

It was a beautiful morning and we did beat the crowd, which was beginning to gather as we finished our ride. On a day like this, the sun brings up the horse's native fragrance: Montana with his cinnamon spice notes, and John with his green-grass just got mowed smell. I bought them a huge tub of soft peppermints at Sam's Club last night so we are provided with treats for a good long while.

We tried to get a good photo of the two horses' heads together, since they are relatives and best friends - but of course they did everything but pose nicely. In the picture above you see Winston chewing on John, and John enjoying it.

Here they are just standing there wondering why we have stopped halfway back to the hitching post and their treat supply. I'm sure they discuss how crazy we are as soon as they can do so tactfully. Two sweet guys.

Puppy Dreamland

2009-03-10T19:29:00.000-07:00

It's a wonderful place. These 2 do not appear to have much on their consciences, in spite of the fact that ONE of them (ahem, RUFUS) recently chewed through Jan's laptop power cord.

'It's a dog's life".

It Begins! A 'Grim Hairy Tale' in Pictures

2009-03-03T13:40:00.000-08:00

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

Is it a Tricycle or a Horse?

2009-02-28T02:02:00.000-08:00

This extremely old photo shows me and my 2 brothers on our state of the art tricycles. It just kills me for so many reasons.

One of them is that I've been thinking about horses and imagination. My tricycle was always an imaginary horse who made whinnying noises and got fed handfuls of grass. Horses were imaginary to me for so long!

To some extent horses are always imaginary: we're always dreaming of something that Might Just Happen, like a First level dressage test in the 70's, or that Perfect Trail Ride, or a horse who stays fit and healthy into his 30's. Some of these...might just happen indeed.

But imagine a flying horse! How far from reality is this? I love this Rubens' painting of Perseus rescuing Andromeda: place your bets on whether this enormous horse beehind could ever take flight!

But boy could he pull a heavy wagon if called upon!

Anybody who has ever ridden knows the feeling of flight though; the Pegasus story is not that far from the phenomenology of riding a galloping horse, or going over a jump, or even taking a spill.

On the theme of Pegasus, here's some thoroughbred porn: Fusaichi Pegasus who won the Kentucky Derby in 2000 -- don't you just want to touch those muscles??!

Horses, imagination, dreams, beauty, flight, fantasies. Here's a lovely short animation about the birth of Pegasus; a nicer combination of color and music and minimal profile animation technique, you could not ask for.

"He looks great! (for a thoroughbred)"

2009-02-21T05:20:00.001-08:00

This was the general summary comment Montana got from our vet yesterday at the annual spring inoculations and wellness check. Our vet does not like thoroughbreds. She has been our vet since I got Montana 8 years ago and on every visit she has managed to use this phrase, "...for a thoroughbred".

"Nice horse!.....for a thoroughbred."

"Good muscling!....for a thoroughbred."

"Nice manners!....for a thoroughbred."

I now wait for that other muckboot to drop, so to speak, whenever she says something good about him.

Yesterday my friend Kathy and I got in early on the spring vetting and thereby avoided the Circus Maximus which is the general barn vet visit for all comers. This mess takes all day and is quite aggravating as you cannot know when you will be 'called' and have to wait around in a queue that is always reforming.

So yesterday was quite civilized: Montana, John, Winston, and Cody like clockwork; and Kathy and I split the farm call fee. Saving a little money and a lot of time.

Whether it's due to his track experiences during the racing days, his natural temperament, or my superb training skills hahahaha, Montana is extremely well-behaved for vetting. Shots, pokings and proddings, blood drawn for Coggins, he stands like a soft-eyed statue. So Vet usually has to say something nice eventually, and then take it back with her signature qualification.

During John's time, Montana had to wait in the round pen so I could give him his supplements and turn him out again. He became 'happy' in the round pen, first having several energetic rollabouts, and then prancing, then rearing, bucking, and rooting vigorously in the snow for tidbits. I tried so hard to get a picture of him rearing because it was beautiful to see. But I just missed it every time.

Here he is on a prance-about:

And coming to see if I am ready to turn him out yet:

You can see that "I'm so full of myself" expression that says Happy Horse to me.

And here's poor John suffering the humiliation of wearing someone else's monogrammed halter; his winter coat is starting to shed out:

No Business Like Show Business!

2009-02-16T12:44:00.001-08:00

I have just renewed all the memberships required to show in dressage in my little Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. To wit:

--United States Dressage Federation: Ka-ching!
--United States Equestrian Federation: Ka-ching!
--North Woods Dressage Association: Ka-ching!
--Central States Dressage and Eventing Association: Ka-ching!

All of which would really make me feel like a bona fide dressage rider were it not for the dismal evidence recorded in the schooling show photo above. I hope I have kept myself small enough so you can hardly see me.

Heads-up for the welter of excuses: "It was so hot that day! Montana slimed the waist of my riding pants so I had to have my shirt-tail out to cover it. The piano hands are my mother's fault: damn those mandatory piano lessons! The chair seat is my...office chair's fault. The slumped shoulders are the fault of my existential predicament: stuck at a horse show and forced to ride a test not of my own devising, oh the angst and horror, the horror. The bulging belly is the fault of the show food: fried cheese curds, dang you to heck!"

Only Montana looks cheerful, probably because he is yukking it up about my riding.

But hope springs eternal. That photo is 2 years old and oh how much my riding has improved hahahahahaha. So now around the barn when the girls ask, "Are you showing this summer?", I answer, "I hope to go to a couple of shows."

Translation: I hope to overcome my show nerves, fear of bolting, fear of hauling horses over the windy bridge to Wisconsin, reluctance to commit, reluctance to spend show fee money, inability to decide on a sensible range of tests, and complete lack of confidence and actually take my dressage horse to a dressage show. Why is it so hard?

The welter of emotions, that's why. Because alongside all the negativity and fear and loathing, there is this little dream of glory, this imaginary image: myself, floating around the ring, the railbirds not entertained this time but favorably impressed, my horse not a sainted martyr but a 'happy athlete' (from USDF show standards). I can dream can't I?

But meanwhile I have also renewed two fun memberships: Minnesota Trail Riders Association and MN Walking Horse Association (gaited horses really). These two groups are all about joy and they get out there and ride. I also dream of seeing this sight a lot this summer:

The days are getting longer and the sun is winning. Yay!

Happy Valentine's Day or is it Lupercalia?

2009-02-13T04:08:00.000-08:00

GreyHorseMatters has posted this lovely little Valentine for everyone she knows, and since I am one of her admirers I'm posting it along.

Valentine's Day is a weird one, a holiday that I suspect of being packaged to elicit money from our pockets. Now picture this:

You are an ancient Roman woman, whether young or a matrona. You wake up on the 14th or 15th of Februa, the month of purifications, and dress up in your best gown and jewelry. You go stand out by the street in your neighborhood and wait. The spring sun is hot on your bare shoulders. The street is crowded; your head is buzzing from the early wine and the excitement of Lupercalia.

Here they come! not on horseback but on foot: running in short togas: the two young men of the Lupercal. They are hitting every woman they can reach with strips of bloody animal hide, goat or dog, from their recent sacrifice on the Palatine. You hope to be hit with a whip and sure enough! WHACK. Good luck and abundance for the entire year!!

Isn't it romantic?

So now go eat some chocolate!!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-10T19:04:00.001-08:00

This will make you sick

2009-02-07T03:44:00.000-08:00

3PennyJane points us to a story that you might find as the plot of a credibility-testing novel but is (alas) fact:

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky has spent a good part of his time on the clock opposing enforcement of the Horse Protection Act so that his donors in the Tennessee Walker Torture Corporation can operate unimpeded.

Why? Because they give him money, of course; it's the American way folks. Here's a taste of the article:

“McConnell probably has caused more problems for horse protection single-handedly than any other person. He set the cause of horse protection back by years,” said Donna Benefield, administrative director of the Horse Protection Commission, a USDA-certified inspection organization in Gallatin, Tenn.

“He has supporters here (in Tennessee) — financial supporters, if not people who can vote for him — who are doing illegal things and don’t want to get caught,” Benefield said. “It’s very important to them that the law be loosely enforced. Sen. McConnell has been their champion in that.”

McConnell, the Senate Republican leader, who stands for re-election Nov. 4, declined to be interviewed for this story or answer the written questions that his office requested.

And if you want to see something strange - beautiful horses moving so weirdly it boggles the mind - check out this video of the finalists and winners at a 2007 TWH national competition:

"Wake Up Little Susie!"

2009-02-05T04:48:00.000-08:00

Montana was sound asleep when I went for my lesson a few days ago. He sleeps with his eyes open but glazed or clouded over, and he snores loudly. It is the creepiest thing waking him up.

John came to help:

Then here comes a miracle: 1000 pounds hoisted up into the air on those 4 little legs:

Resulting in eventually this: 'OK, you woke me up and put these boots on me, so let's get this over with."

Is there anything prettier than a booted up horse? What is so darn sexy about it?

Gaited Insanity

2009-01-31T04:27:00.000-08:00

This goes in the all-too-large category of Crazy Things People Do To Horses.

John is a gaited horse. This means he has a smooth 4-beat 'walk' that can accelerate to extremely high speeds, and he has this in common with several other horse breeds who vary their type of gait but are all smooth to ride: Icelandic Ponies, Tennessee Walking Horses (the most tormented breed I know), Rocky Mountain Horses, and John's designer breed (made up out of a political controversy among the Rockies): Kentucky Mountain Horse, etc.

Take a look at the horse in the photo, with a blue ribbon awarding what has been done to it. Look at the shoes on the front feet, look at the bit, head carriage, etc.

Welcome to the world of gaited insanity. People like the gaits, but they also want MORE: a head flung up to the stars, feet flailing in a similar direction, hollow backs, tails sticking straight up in the air so the hair waves like a fan out behind.

Here's a horse being offered for sale. How comfortable is he? This is one of about six sale photos with the same exact head carriage in all: "I hurt!". I have removed the evil expression on the rider's face.

Tennessee Walking Horses have a huge fan base and their shows have been regulated somewhat of late, but you still see many people who think this kind of shoeing is really neat:

This young lassie is all dressed up & ready to show her pretty horse, whose tail did not come from the hand of God looking like that. Check out the angle of the horse's front feet in those kegs. And then calculate the number of years or months until breakdown of the joints & ligaments.

Here's what wins, obviously:

My friend Kathy calls this type of competition "Evil Old Men Slumped Over in Tailcoats". But sometimes they aren't men...

All this insanity around gaiting makes it strange to own a gaited horse and be relatively clueless, as I am. Everyone and I mean almost everyone claims you must have a long shanked bit. You will find the religious belief that shanks are required. Are they? I really don't know but I doubt it.

Then there's the "gaited horse saddle" industry. There may be something to this, in that gaited horses need a lot of shoulder room so a slightly back-placed or Y-rigged saddle may be helpful. But fortunes are being made off people who think they can't get on their gaited cuties without a special saddle. Embarrassing story about self omitted here.

This high-headed look and upraised foreleg are almost a trademark of gaited horse competitions in the U.S. Here in Minnesota there's a group called Minnesota Walking Horse Association and they are promoting natural standards for especially Tennessee Walkers. It's refreshing to see them out and about, or at a show, with pretty horses just gaiting, flowing along, not flailing or grimacing...They go on group horse camping trips too, and I went along on one - what a completely fun group. They love their TWH's and let them just be.

I am very confused about what John should be doing. Everything from bit to contact to head carriage baffles me. Gaited horses don't just gait without some training and that training has to be kept up, but the contradictory schools of thought on how to do this could make your head explode.

Right now he goes best with a light contact on a snaffle bit, and when he is really warmed up, he gaits smoothly holding his head on a curved neck like a little palomino dragon; I can let the contact drop and he still keeps going in this frame. For awhile. Then will get pacey (two legs on the same side moving in unison in the same direction, very bumpy to ride) for a bit, then self-correct. He gaits best out on the trail.

Here's a good example of a happy gaited horse, outside and it looks like a canter, with a soft rider and no head constraint:

That's my goal. Not exactly sure how to get there.

Mmmm Winter Delights!

2009-01-29T17:13:00.000-08:00

1. Those skies!

2. Putting your hands under a horse's blanket right behind the withers: smooth pocket of warm horse, yum.

3. Thermal underwear! You can live in them! I feel like Pappy Yoakum schlumping around the property - all I need is an outhouse and a banged up rifle.

4. Doggies to sleep in your lap.

5. Lemonade!! Big wintery thanks to CanadianCowgirl for sending me a glass of lemonade award; when winter gives us lemons, girlfriend, we gots to make lemonade or perhaps a hot lemon toddy!! I like your style, Canadian! And you must own some kickin long underwear!

6. Hay for my horses! Take a look at the size of that bale:
And look whose greedy horse is gnawing on it in midair: that's Montana on the right. Not too scared of machinery.

And Rufus is learning to jump through a hoop! And having fewer accidents on the rug! Life is improving as the days grow ever so slightly longer each week. Dust off your chaps cowgirls - that ice is going to be gone before we know it.

Night Rider

2009-01-24T14:47:00.000-08:00

Thursday night I rode two horses after 8 p.m. and I had the arenas to myself! Pitch black dark night except for the northern lights, and bitter cold but the horses were in mellow moods and it was just heavenly. Now why don't I do this more often?

I didn't take the northern lights photo above but they were pretty spectacular. Their silence always makes me wonder - it just seems like a display like that ought to make noise!

Montana was in his glory - loose and springy. And John was like a snorting chuffing plump yellow gaiting machine. They seemed to decide that though unusual, this night riding was within the rules of their union contract.

To avoid the unwanted encounter with cars on the road in the dark, I have this little thingy:

It attaches to a zipper tab or other spot and gives off a strip of very bright red light. It will also flash. So far I have nearly given two parents heart attacks as they came flying up the road in the dark; "What the hell is that?" said the dad.

Everybody drives too fast on this dead-end horse riddled road, and one close call was enough for me. So I give off an eerie red glow now and so far we are alive, knock wood.

Ice Heaps on the Shore

2009-01-21T18:58:00.001-08:00

We drove up the shore on Monday to observe the progress of the ice. The wind piles it up on the shore of Lake Superior around this time of year. Since the days are already getting longer (yes!!), soon it will begin to recede and then melt.

The dog brigade came along and this picture makes them look strangely tied together but it's just their jackets being parallel.

Rufus (left) continues advancing his sinister plot to rule the world; his 3 strategies seem to be: cuteness, urinating in the house, and stealing all Gabey's toys. It's working. Jan and I relax for a moment and then suddenly sit bolt upright: "Where's Rufus??" to which the answer usually is, over there behind something, just finished relieving himself on the rug, looks happy.

On the ride home the sun shot up this great ray into the heavens:

It was a nice trip and included some of this:

"7-Layer Chocolate Mocha" from the justly famous Betty's Pies. And it has no calories whatsoever! isn't it a miracle?

Johnnie Comes Marching Home!

2009-01-17T06:47:00.000-08:00

John does come when I call him, on most days, and he especially marches on these cold days when he is bored and hungry. Montana will look up at me, and occasionally take one step in my direction, but then he just stands and watches me walk over. In the video you can see our covered arena, the saving grace of winter in this awful climate.

I had a pretty decent ride on John yesterday. I'm working on taking a bit of contact with a new fatter bit I changed into his bridle last week. The world of gaited horses and their tack is a jungle of mysterious questions to me. so is the whole issue of how they are supposed to be 'in the bridle'. I see every which thing but I am going to leave that for another post.

Meanwhile, here's John's opinion of my picture-taking when he wants his mint:

Watch Boiling Water Vaporize in Cold!

2009-01-15T14:44:00.000-08:00

I made a little movie this afternoon to illustrate an amazing phenomenon: boiling water instantly vaporizes when you throw it into a cold enough Minnesota afternoon! You will witness me performing this experiment with scientific accuracy and great fastidiousness, in this extremely short video I posted to YouTube just this minute:

Woe is Me I am FFFREEZING

2009-01-13T16:44:00.000-08:00

313 PM CST TUE JAN 13 2009

...ANOTHER FRIGID NIGHT IN THE BORDERLAND...

MNZ010>012-018>021-140630-
/O.NEW.KDLH.WC.W.0002.090114T0000Z-090114T1800Z/
KOOCHICHING-NORTHERN ST. LOUIS-NORTHERN COOK/NORTHERN LAKE-
NORTHERN ITASCA-CENTRAL ST. LOUIS-SOUTHERN LAKE/LAKESHORE-
SOUTHERN COOK/LAKESHORE-
313 PM CST TUE JAN 13 2009

...WIND CHILL WARNING IN EFFECT UNTIL 12 PM CST WEDNESDAY...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN DULUTH HAS ISSUED A WIND CHILL
WARNING...WHICH IS IN EFFECT UNTIL 12 PM CST WEDNESDAY.

AIR TEMPERATURES WILL FALL QUICKLY INTO THE NEGATIVE TEENS AND 20S
THIS EVENING...CONTINUING TO DROP THROUGH SUNRISE WEDNESDAY
MORNING. THESE TEMPERATURES...COMBINED WITH ANY LIGHT WIND WILL
PRODUCE WIND CHILL VALUES OF 40 TO 50 DEGREES BELOW ZERO.
TEMPERATURES AND WIND CHILL VALUES WILL IMPROVE INTO THE TEENS AND
20S BELOW ZERO WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON...BEFORE FALLING DANGEROUSLY
LOW ONCE AGAIN WEDNESDAY NIGHT.

UNDER THESE CONDITIONS...EXPOSED SKIN CAN FREEZE IN 15 MIN OR
LESS...AND HYPOTHERMIA WILL SET IN IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT TAKEN. THE
ELDERLY...YOUNG CHILDREN...AND THOSE WITH MEDICAL CONDITIONS HAVE
AN INCREASED RISK TO THE EXTREME COLD. REMEMBER THAT PETS AND
LIVESTOCK ARE ALSO EFFECTED BY PROLONGED COLD SPELLS.

A WIND CHILL WARNING MEANS A COMBINATION OF BITTERLY COLD ARCTIC
AIR AND WIND WILL CREATE DANGEROUSLY COLD AND LIFE-THREATENING
WIND CHILL VALUES. IF YOU MUST VENTURE OUTDOORS OR TRAVEL...BE
SURE TO PACK A SURVIVAL KIT AND CELL PHONE. IF YOU BECOME
STRANDED...DO NOT LEAVE YOUR VEHICLE. COVER ALL EXPOSED SKIN.

"Eat a lot of chocolate. Do not by any means run short of cookies. Make sure you have all the ingredients to bake a nice cake with double frosting layer. Dog biscuit supply: check. Thermal underwear free of holes: check. All unnecessary outings cancelled: check. Technology training over and done with: check and woot. All systems FREEZE."

"Nom Nom Nom!" Winter Munchies

2009-01-10T15:59:00.001-08:00

Is there anything more pleasant than feeding horses something they love? Slurp, chomp, nom nom, and the eyes half closing with delight. It doesn't cost much, it doesn't take much time, it gives a terrific sense of satisfaction, and it makes horsey happy. What more could we ask?

Today John wore Montana's halter as he munched in the winter sun, which always makes his coat glow like golden bunny fur. It was 13 degrees F. and so, pretty pleasant for short periods of time. Some of the barn girls with zero % body fat were hanging out all day out there so, that baffles me. I have ermmm a bit more body fat and still get too cold.

Here's Montana munching his beet pulp & supplements, and my photo cut off one of his ears but they are both still there:

And here he is yearning towards his mint:

And Johnnie wishing he could have one more mint:

Then when I had done my feeding 'chore', the moon came up like a giant tangerine:

I could not capture the true color; it was eerie and enormous:

And I will close with a photo of Montana's cute front feet, which he poses just like this when he is eating:

What a sweetie!!!!

Raging Bull: Workshop Day 2

2009-01-06T16:27:00.001-08:00

At 3 p.m. today I crawled out of a toxic sea of eduspeak and lay shivering on a grey beach of tedium and death wish. Day 2 of my educational technology workshop brought us Bloom's system of learning categories, just one of many education inventions to stifle creative thought and kill the spirit. In the photo above you see some of this Bloom guy's raging bull, which we were forced to use in our own thinking for 6 hours-- an outrage and a waste of good mental energy.

Lytha had suggested that I shake things up by, for example, switching the beverage labels around or some such. I did move 'decaf' to the cookie platter but no one noticed or cared. I believe we are already too broken for merriment of this graceful sort. We need fart jokes or pratfalls at this critical stage.

I received a grade of 'minus' on my homework from yesterday, with this comment:

"I didn't see any of the ratings of "baseline, effective or exemplary" from the rubric as applied to the criteria."

Gah! Take me out back and whip me with a 2x4.

I did manage to make it to the barn since we ended early, and there was still some daylight which revealed this odd snow formation on the run-in roof:

The snow slid down just so far and then has been hanging on for days, like little even strips of lace. Here it is viewed from inside the run-in, and you can see the moon somewhere in the middle:

I did get to ride a horse today, and all the barn girls were as sweet as molasses, so it's a good day that ends well as my mom used to say. I only have 5 more days of the workshop from hell and I have to admit I've met some nice new people, including an education professor from Kenya who said "If you pray God for a Jeep and he sends you a mule, ride the mule!" which is good advice for me in my Jeremiah mode.

Lethally Bored

2009-01-05T17:57:00.001-08:00

For my sins in a past life, I am condemned to spend 8 hours a day for the next two weeks in a workshop on instructional technology. While not as hellish as my driving class, I am suffering with conviction. This photo shows the general level of excitement in our group.

The liveliest moment occurred when one participant reached a breaking point and began anxiously asking,

"But how do I KNOW whether my course is learner-centered or instructor-centered?"

Facilitator: "mumblejumblegumble"

"But how do I KNOW??? How??"

It was judged to be time for a break and as you can see, we at least know how to eat in these technology Gulags.

We actually were given homework, which everyone proceeded to complete surreptitiously while the presenters were still talking about grade rubrics and assessment. I think I did my homework wrong. I am praying I don't get kept after class tomorrow because it just might put me over the edge.

It was a horseless day, which just seems wrong.

Horses' Behinds, and the Women Who Love Them

2009-01-02T00:51:00.001-08:00

If you had asked me 20 years ago: What part of a horse is the most beautiful? I might have said, Oh their soulful eyes! Or, Oh those graceful curving necks.

Never would I have guessed that I would come to admire most of all: Their magnificent posteriors. Every horses' behind is unique and tells a rich story: about lineage and genetics, about work and fitness, about current state of relaxation or readiness. These butts are pure poetry, in motion or at rest as you see Montana above, today after our little dressage escapade (more of that later).

Now how on earth did the phrase "horse's behind", or more crudely, "horse's a$$", come to be an insult? That is so wrong. It should be the highest of compliments.

Here's how it should be, in a more logical world:

Person A: "That guy is a real horse's a$$!"

Person B: "Agree! I have always admired him greatly."

Or

Person A: "You are a regular horse's behind!"

Person B: "Why thank you! You are too kind..."

Dressage Escapade Du Jour: Well school is out (weeping and gnashing of teeth) so the barn is a-hoppin with little girls. I tacked up Montana in a light snow but pleasant temperature (14 F) and moseyed up to the arena, from which bubble-gum music was blasting on the radio as we approached.

Arena was filled with young ladies riding, texting, chatting on phones to their parents 'I am not ready to be picked up!!', and the corker: a young lassie longeing her horse taking up half the arena. This would have been bearable if the horse had not been exploding in bucks and gallops. After awhile she decided to try some in-hand work and with a long whip, she touches his hindquarters KICK; she touches them again DOUBLE KICK, and so it goes on.

Montana watched all this with the greatest interest as if to say, "No you do not have my full attention so just learn to live with that fact and anyway, they are much more interesting". But we had a decent ride in amongst it.

So everybody rush out and call someone a horse's behind, in a good way!

Riding Outside in Less than Zero

2009-01-01T05:56:00.000-08:00

Degrees Fahrenheit that is!

Yesterday I took John outside into the snowy field for some fresh air ha ha ha. It was below zero and there was an evil little breeze, the kind that gives me tomato-face when I come in from riding. But the sun was out. And it was our last ride of 2008!! I wanted it to be a little different.

As you can see from the tracked up snow, others have been riding out there and specifically, little girls have been galloping their horses out there.

They love to do this because:

(a) The horses can't get going fast enough to scare them; and
(b) If they fall off, they hit two feet of snow instead of stony ground.

However! Here is where my cranky side chimes in. It is so hard on the horses!!!! They come in wringing wet with sweat from just 20 minutes of it, and then they are sore and even sometimes lame. It is not fair. I am developing a real crank side about these girls who treat horses like ATV's.

John and I just walked, befitting my dignity as an aging crankypants, and the sun on the snow was dazzling beautiful.

It was cold enough to be making that crunch/squeak sound with every hoof fall. John was in a happy and meditative mood.

The driveway, which we have to walk across with horses no matter where we tack up, was a sheet of rink-quality ice and scared the bejabbers out of me.

John is good on ice; he shortens up his stride to little tiny baby-steps and keeps his balance centered. Montana, who came in just to get his supplements and mints, is not so good and tends to panic if he slips even a little. So he really gave me the jim-jams crossing that ice-sheet. But we all made it to our destinations, mints were served, and a good wintry last day of 2008 was enjoyed by all.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! 2009 IS GOING TO BE GRAND!!! MANY HAPPY TRAILS TO YOU IN THE YEAR TO COME!

Bless me, Dressage Goddess...

2008-12-29T13:47:00.000-08:00

...for I have sinned. It has been 3 weeks since my last lesson. I have sinned by omission and commission.

OMISSION: I have not been riding my dressage horse Montana, and lo, I have not practiceth my arena work, half-halts, leg yields, transitions, and verily I have done a big Lebowski on all my responsibilities in this area. It has been too freakin cold for much of anything, but yes, every sinner thinks they have a good excuse.

COMMISSION: I have eateneth of the cheesecake, the pumpkin pie, the cheesy potato dish, the 7-layer jello (yes she did it again), the Black Forest cake, the fudge, the mixed nuts, yea verily even of the bento boxes have I made myself a gluttonous feast.
And sundry other sources of evil fat and calories have I touched with my hands and lusted after in my heart. The rendering of which is that I am a sad blob before thine eyes oh Dressage Goddess.

And so my penance was to wallow around in the arena on the back of an impatient and distracted horse, whose eyes were themselves tempted by amazing almost biblical visions outside the arena doors: the Four Horses of the Apocalypse galloping by repeatedly, the Lost Snow-Plow as big as an elementary school forging and backing on the road outside, the dropping of great wads of snow off the arena roof in a screaming high wind.

I have resolved to improve my ways. So lunch today was miso soup and an orange. But I got so much exercise peeling the orange that I feel a bit faint, and a slice of that cake on the kitchen counter would revive me so nicely...

The Scent of a Horse's Neck

2008-12-26T10:14:00.001-08:00

Little Offbeat Horse Pleasure #487: The scent and feel of a horse's neck. Montana's neck smells a little like clove and nutmeg. Johnnie's has a note of freshly cut grass.

My mother, who never did meet my horses in person but who loved horses from afar all her life, used to say to me, "Give Montana a kiss on the neck for me". He now expects these kisses and accepts them graciously like all other acts of worship that come to His Highness.

And on another topic: Here's a picture of the new sport soon to hit the dog Olympics: Competitive Treat-Chewing. Which dog can chew his treat up the fastest and then make an attempt upon the other guy's treat?

It always works out the same way. Rufus the New Boy a.k.a BadAss, finishes his, takes Gabey's and walks off. Gabe is left looking surprised: "Why?? Why would you take my treat??" Rufus: "Because I Can."

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE FROZEN NORTH!

2008-12-24T05:46:00.001-08:00

Click on the picture to see:

1. That I did not realize how tangled John's forelock was with ice blobs until after I took this picture.

2. That we were f-f-freezing as I tried to set up a cute photo and I finally just gave up and snapped his profile any old way;

3. That we are wishing you a very Merry Christmas!! Stay warm and cozy, give your horses special treats, and enjoy the magic stillness of a winter's night when the soft dark silence is filled with starry promise.

Much love to all my blogging friends!!!

Storm is Past!

2008-12-22T09:29:00.001-08:00

Here you see the storm front's rear end so to speak. Yesterday I finally got out to the barn for some quality time with two feisty equines. Both of them get rammy when the weather is harsh and they aren't getting worked. I loved just getting my hands into their winter coats, knocking the snowballs off their feets, feeding them their lovely beet pulp concoction, and letting them soothe my soul.

Leading Montana back to the pasture we were walking into a 30 mph wind at 5 degrees above zero. He tucked his face down and arched his neck, and danced the whole way. It was like, "I'll see your Wind, and raise you Fire!".

John was disposed to translate his energy into merriment, so he tried to nibble my coat buttons, the beet pulp buckets, and his lead rope. Then he put his nose on the back of my sock cap as if to say, "You KNOW, I could so take this off!!!" He's a terrible cap stealer.

It had been one whole week since I saw these 2 rascals, due to weather and final exams. The yard was not entirely snow-plowed so they were walking in chest-high drifts for part of their journey to the hitching post. They did not seem to mind. I drove home once again amazed at the difference a horse makes.

Thank God they made It Home

2008-12-21T05:58:00.000-08:00

The Roman Stoics used to say that anyone we care about is "a hostage to Fortune".

Last night at 10 p.m. my two hostages to Fortune finally made it home through the killer blizzard. What would normally have been a 5 hour drive took 10 hours; they were sometimes driving 25 mph on freeway with a posted speed limit of 70.

Every semi that blasted past them flung a tsunami of wet snow on their Ford Focus windshield. They were in near white-out conditions most of the way.

You can imagine my state of mind. I wanted them to stop and get a room but they are young, optimistic, and bull-headed. And they made it.

That was a good sight: dragging suitcases up the driveway because the snowplows had blocked the entrance and they parked across the street. I had cooked a supper for them but they were too jangled to eat. So dinner tonight is taken care of!

Little Rufus, my new puppy, was at first shy of these two big lads, and ran into his crate to see how things would go. It did not take him long to see the opportunity to add two members to his cult following and he turned on the tricks...lick hands, place chin on knee, dance in place, curl up in a new lap. They duly pronounced him a handsome dog and praised his silky coat. Gabey nearly had a conniption fit but he was getting his share of lap-time and attention too.

Now I get to kick into high gear with cooking for young lads: something I love to do.

I feel like I aged 10 years yesterday night.

"Say Hello to my Little Friend!"

2008-12-20T05:42:00.000-08:00

Yes this is Gabey's present from Santa, and the 'Scarface' quote just about sums him up. You remember that scene when Al Pacino bursts out of his office in the druglord mansion, after burying his face in a grain-bucket load of cocaine, and starts shooting everyone?

That's about the size of it. This little dude has a personality like Scarface and Gabey is in full retreat.

I decided Gabey's life was too quiet - we are gone to work all day, and he was getting more and more inactive. Well this will liven him up for sure. Rufus is 5 months old and was the last of his litter, and he has learned to tell puppies what to do. He is cute as a bug and I believe he saw snow for the first time in his life yesterday. It took him about 3 minutes to discover the fun factor of snow: you can jump in it, roll in it, bury your head in it, and even eat it. Gabe got into it as well, which warmed my heart.

Rufus is in this life for the thrill of it, whereas Gabriel is here for love. They will have a good effect on one another - I hope. As soon as they figure out that the same kibble is in the other guy's bowl, and there's no need to commandeer that bowl just for fun.

Abominable Snow-Dog

2008-12-19T05:56:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I took Gabey out for a very long trudge through the snow, to our favorite cemetery where I let him run around off the leash a bit. He can't see over snow drifts so he will stand on his hind legs and peer - when he hears a goose calling, or a dog bark off in the distance. it's so cute but I could not get a picture of it.

Here he is wearing his little snow jacket and has just finished rolling and burrowing in the white stuff.

Little does he know: Santa is bringing him a very special present today. I will post about it later if all goes as planned - how mysterious can I be?

Wordless Wednesday

2008-12-17T14:42:00.001-08:00

Winter Horses and their Coats

2008-12-13T17:45:00.000-08:00

My horses live out 24/7 in a pretty fierce winter. Their coats are, to the eye and hand, quite different: Montana the thin-skinned thoroughbred grows a lighter coat, John the tough Mountain Horse gets a fluffy bunny coat early in winter.

But it surprised me to find that Montana's coat was actually doing a better insulating job on this day last week, because he had the snow pack without icicles on his back. It had been snowing lightly for about 4 hours when I took the pictures.

Johnnie had large thick icicles on his sides, which means that melting had occurred and probably his skin had become cold. I wonder if his winter coat is more impressive to look at or feel than it is to fend off cold??

Montana's coat must have guard hairs that keep that snow on the surface. Once snow is there and conglomerated, it actually warms them. Winter horses! A conundrum. What I know is how much they love that warm beet pulp. Slurp!!!!!

When Horses Hurt Us

2008-12-07T06:56:00.000-08:00

Several blogger friends have been involved in horse-related accidents recently so I thought it might be opportune to swap war stories. Could this innocent looking face ever have scared the daylights out of me, to the point where I could not bring myself to even put a saddle on his back let alone think about riding?

In a word, YES.

When I had owned my OTTB Montana for about 6 months, I felt confident enough to ride him all alone in the arena. So one day as I was doing this, trotting along all brave and proud of myself, a barn girl chose to run by the open arena door in a flash of white: white t-shirt, white sweatpants, white shoes, and a flying blonde ponytail to top it off.

This white vision Montana caught out the side of his eye and it obviously unnerved him so off we went at a sudden gallop, with sharp turns to avoid hitting the walls. I lost the reins and got them back, lost both stirrups and never even tried to get them back (no mental ability at that point), and eventually was thrown off on a sharp turn.

To her credit, the all-white girl came running back and caught him which was not hard, he was just standing around with his eyes bugging out. I had landed on my shoulder and head, tore a cruciate ligament in my right shoulder, and was shaken up to the bottom of my soul. Tears, fear, knowing I had to "get back on", nausea, desire to sell horse immediately, bitter regret that this is what my lifelong dream of horse ownership had come to, all boiled away inside me.

I got back on and we walked a little, with me no doubt telegraphing my emotions to him quite clearly. He looked like he felt sick too.

This was not the end but the beginning of my problem, because I had lost the desire to ride. Completely.

I went to the public library and got books on basic riding, and on riding after an accident, and on sports psychology. Being a book person, reading is always my safety net. I continued to visit Montana almost every day, but instead of riding I just sat outside his stall (sometimes crying if no one was around, sometimes singing to him), and with his door open so that he could reach out and snuffle my hair when he felt like it.

I decided to set myself the smallest goals possible, and count it as a huge victory if I achieved them. So, being able to saddle him and lead him into the arena, perhaps even mount up and sit there for a few minutes, was a huge victory. Being able to walk him in a circle: even more huge!! Kudos to me!! Ice cream time!! And that's how we worked it out over a longer period of time than I would like to admit. He was fine as long as I didn't seem nervous. I also decided that although horses are sensitive, they aren't psychic; it's OK to be nervous if you do everything in your power not to project. La la la! Laugh a little, even if it a tad hysterical sounding.

One device a sports psychology writer described was this: Build a mental space called "My Riding Resource Room". Imagine a room with everything you enjoy: it's your favorite color, has a comfy chair, has your favorite snacks and tea, nice lighting. Into this room you will permit only the positive things about horses and riding: a favorite photo on the wall, your favorite saddle. The horse himself may or may not be allowed to poke his head in the window, depending! In this room is your horse-related joy. Visit this room often in your mind. Visit your Riding Resource Room before you come near your horse. Visit it after a ride and see if anything good has been added.

I painted my R.R. room burgundy, and put an overstuffed chair in it, and an espresso maker, and pictures of beautiful thoroughbreds on the walls. The saddle made it but not the horse, not for a long time. Finally he was allowed to peek in the window.

These wonderful animals -- we love them to bits, and when they hurt us it goes deeper than physical pain. And the fear can be very hard to manage. I still visit the R.R. Room 7 years after my worst fall and having had a few other falls which weren't so bad. It still comforts me. And the idea of getting/staying in touch with the basic joy of horses still seems to me the most important thing.

Sleeping Horses

2008-12-03T03:48:00.000-08:00

Both my horses are enthusiastic lie-down-and-sleepers. Here you see Montana yesterday, looking like a big orange chicken in the haypile in the sun. His eyes were completely glazed over (typical), he was snoring lightly, and he took forever to wake up. Do horses dream??

While I was taking pictures of him look who got in the way:

My other gifted and talented equine sleeper. John will sleep like he has been shot in the field: legs sticking straight out and head and neck at random angle.

Come to think of it, everyone in my immediate world has a flair for sleeping. My sons can go for 12 hours straight, my husband can sleep till noon if not interfered with, and I can happily go to bed at 8:30 p.m. (but can not sleep past dawn, to save my life). And one of us wins the all-time Sleeping Academy Award:

Gabey's conscience is so clear that he can lie down, close his eyes, and be snoring within seconds. Now that is a blameless life.

My Son the Guitar Player

2008-11-29T18:06:00.000-08:00

Here's the closing song from my younger son's recent band set at a Madison Wisconsin night spot. The band, called Lords of the Trident, is officially an 80's metal parody band but they all love 80's metal so much that it goes beyond parody to become sincere tribute. My boy is the one with long hair wearing a toga to indicate that his band persona is "The Socrates of Shred".

At 2:23 my little angel has a very pretty solo I do believe.

As he has been home for Thanksgiving, we have had some home decorating projects such as the following:

which tasteful display I found this morning upon awakening from my innocent slumbers. I will give him credit though; as soon as I made a few sharp remarks about it due to the neighbors having emailed me this photo (which was rather embarrassing), he went out and cleaned it all up.

That's my boy!! The Socrates of Shred.

Woo hoo! An award! and beet pulp too

2008-11-28T10:03:00.000-08:00

I am very touched and happy to have received this award from GreyHorseMatters, whose blog I always so much enjoy and also find very beautiful in its layout - just pleasing to visit. Stop by and say howdy if you haven't been there already!

And I am exploring the wonders of freshly moistened beet pulp as a winter treat and a medium for the delivery of supplements and my beloved probiotics. Here you see Montana tucking in to a nice warm bowl of winter equine health:

I have not perfected my system yet - it is still putzy and takes thinking - but before I am ready to leave for the barn I must boil a full kettle of water and put one cup of dry beet pulp in each of two containers with lids. When water's boiling nicely I pour over the beet pulp about 4 parts of water to one pulp. I let it steam while I put on all my 374 layers of winter barn clothing.

Then I load up baggies with their supplements and probiotic. I am now using exclusively Horsetech brand of both since they are fresh, very good quality, competitively priced, free fast delivery, and chocolate chip cookies included with each order! That's my little commercial for HorseTech; I'm sure I will receive a large check in the mail soon.

Montana gets Reitsport with all the joint stuff, and Johnnie gets Glanzen-3 for "hoof, coat, and attitude!". I see the attitude every day so it must be working.

I don't put the dry supplements in with the hot water because I don't want to damage them. The beet pulp will cool and expand slowly over the next 2 hours, as it sits in a picnic cooler in the trunk of my car wrapped in a towel. (Did I mention I live in a cold climate!) By feeding time after riding, it will still be just perfectly warm enough to make the horses realize they are getting a different sort of treat.

Both my horses adore this beet pulp combo. I do add a cup of sweet feed/grain to it just before serving. The probiotic (Pro-Lactic DFM) is super for preventing winter hay-belly, which I believe is gas and irritation from eating too much poor hay, and also for getting the max nutritional value out of all food. John is susceptible to hay belly and Montana is a bit of a hard keeper so they both benefit just like magic.

It gives me such a good feeling - last night I was walking Montana back to his pasture in the soft cold night, the sky stretched above us like deep navy blue velvet pierced with a million stars, all that good stuff in his insides starting him off on his long horse night of dozing and strolling and dreaming - what a joy.

Hoofs on Ice: Crazy Trail Ride

2008-11-26T15:55:00.000-08:00

Events in a Harmonic Convergence Today:
1. The sun came out strongly, causing students to run around in shorts and tank tops again even though it was 12 degrees F.
2. I got away from work early and so did my friend Sally.
3. I managed to find my cell phone in time to get her message saying let's go for a trail ride.
4. We met at the barn and and greeted one another.

Now here comes the Odd Disharmonic Convergence:

5. Standing there in the yard was the lady who almost bought Montana a couple weeks ago. She had come to bring him treats. Emotions stirred all around.
6. Then the power company showed up in a fleet of trucks to make unearthly noises cutting tree limbs:

up high in this little bucket. The mini-cutter they used up there made a screeeeking noise that brought out the inner Flamenco dancer in each horse who had to pass. Then they cranked up the Horse Shredder I mean wood chipper:

and as you can see they kept it up for quite awhile.

But we did manage to get past it all by dismounting and leading. We then hit the trail and encountered the ice patches:

These were nerve-wracking and almost made us regret coming out, but we were too bullheaded to admit it so went on. The frozen creek was beautiful like a huge silver serpent:

And on the last leg of the trip home this patch of ice was illuminated like a sheet of molten gold:

So although we took a chance and encountered a few dragons, it was a good ride overall. Sally cooled off Annie in her new sheet:

And John betook himself to the hay pile even though the screaming machinery was still right outside his gate. "What me worry when there's this much hay? My mother didn't raise no fool."

TA-DAAAHH!!! The Bowing Horse

2008-11-24T17:52:00.001-08:00

Also known as: Wasting time teaching horse tricks instead of doing serious work. Also known as: He's not bowing as much as I am. Also known as: He is only following the treat hand down in confident expectation: Gimmee, I know you got some.

But I love it! My genius horse John and I can surely take this act on the road if the economy continues to implode. I can sell patent medicines I will create out of honey and rye whiskey, and John can entertain the kiddies. Montana can come too and demonstrate his talent for drooling. Just the idea of a treat has him drooling buckets. Star quality drool mind you. Yes, we are secure; so blow winds! As long as I don't throw my back out bowing.

Redneck Bra Poem

2008-11-18T19:10:00.000-08:00

Last spring I visited my 90-year old Aunt Pat, who is as feisty as the day is long. It was a sad occasion: funeral. But when we got to her place after the service and the supper, she shocked the daylights out of me by saying, "Evie! Take off your damn bra! Get comfortable!" never before in my life had I been invited to take off my bra.

Aunt Pat and I then had a little discussion about the discomforts of brassieres. "Isn't it just the greatest feeling to take it OFF??", she said. Indeed.

We then went on to talk about the good old days when, surprise surprise, both of us had learned to take them off without taking our blouses off.

Ahem. You Might Be a Redneck's Girlfriend If:

You know how to do this: unhook your bra, slip the strap off one arm, and drag it out of your blouse sleeve on the opposite side.

Today after work I rushed upstairs, removed a particularly itchy and obnoxious bra, and wrote a poem dedicated to my Aunt Pat:

Take Off That Damn Brassiere!

To My Aunt Pat, who once surprised me by saying,
“Evie, take off your damn bra! Get comfortable!”

Now Life has many painful sides,
And hurts and sorrows sere;
But one thing every girl can do:
Take Off That Damn Brassiere!

When we get home from work, or church,
And feel our ribs crushed near,
We have not even slight regret
We toss that Damn Brassiere.

We love the way it shapes our front
Or keeps our front from hanging;
But we hate the way it aggravates,
And causes damns and danging.

It presses us when we should float
And squishes what should bounce
And so that Damn Brassiere goes off!
Regretted, not one ounce.

When we were little girls we loved
Its bows and lace and cheer.
But now we’re wiser, and we’d like
To torch that damn brassiere!

So ladies, take the lower road,
Be less than you appear!
And say to Hell with straps and hooks,
And to Hell with Thy Brassiere!

Let’s sag and droop with gravity,
And When Old Death grins near,
Let’s snap him in the face with our
God-Damnable Old Brassiere!